August Birthday Bust 2010

On July 25, we got a call from Dad, inviting us out for the day on August 1 to see UncleR and AuntG's new house in Bunker Hill, and then to come back to Dad's house for dinner. We were expected out around 10 in the morning. As much as I relish the thought of spending a whole day in the company of my family, let alone a nice long drive in the confines of a car with them, I mercifully had other plans that morning and so, gee, I couldn't make it. However, in the interest of family harmony and not giving him another opportunity to sigh dramatically that he never sees us and therefore doesn't feel like he knows us, I compromised and said we could come out that evening for dinner instead. In fact, since AuntZ and CousinZ were going to be up from South Carolina that weekend, why didn't we just turn it into the August Birthday thing? I'd even bring cake. Dad was thrilled with the idea, and I was thrilled that I could abbreviate my time with them that much further. Everyone wins.

So August 1 rolled around. We arrived about 5pm, as promised. On the way out, we made guesses as to what time we would be getting out of there, since it was a Sunday and we therefore both had to work the next day and didn't really want to leave at 11 like we often end up doing at such gatherings. In a fit of optimistic psychosis, I thought we might be able to leave around 8. Husband pointed out that 9 was more likely, even if we made noise around 8 about having to leave. Okay, 9 was acceptable.

The attendance was greater than anticipated. While UncleR/AuntG/CousinM didn't attend, we still had Dad, Grandad, AuntZ, and CousinZ, of course; but we also had Harry (AuntZ's boyfriend), Jackie, Jackie's father, Jackie's sister, Jackie's daughter, and Jackie's niece.

There were no great outbursts, but I'll apprise you of the highlights:

• AuntZ's boyfriend Harry is a hippie who doesn't have the first clue about propriety and that certain things should not be said in certain company. He and AuntZ got drunk and were smooching like teenagers... they're both almost 60. And no, it wasn't the cute kind where you're all, "Aw, sweet, look how happy they are." It was more the, "Oh god, seriously?" kind. We're pretty sure they also smoke pot together - they are both artists, after all. The guy was making a fair number of off-color jokes, and managed to use the word "cunnilingus" by the end of the night.  
• Jackie's family is, by and large, delightful, polite, engaging, patient, and friendly. However, Jackie's father is a crotchety old vet (saw action in Bastogne during WWII) and has a salty yet colorful vocabulary so he was mostly fun to listen to, and kept Grandad entertained so I didn't have to. However, he said a thing or two to Dad that I cannot imagine a potential father-in-law saying to his potential son-in-law, but I also know he wouldn't have said those things if he knew a lady was within earshot. I will not repeat it here because Mama raised me right, but still... I could really have gone the rest of my life without hearing a nonogenarian use that term. Or, pretty much anyone of any age.
• Jackie's father also commented more than once that I was awfully big for 8 months along, and Grandad joined in the chorus. You know, I just love it when people comment on my size. Especially when they're essentially strangers. Especially when I'm not 8 but 7 months along. If I gave any value to either of their opinions, that's the kind of thing that might hurt a girl's self-image. Luckily, I know that they're both senile old bags, that they have no expertise to speak of on this subject, and that the doctors in charge when their wives were pregnant basically had the women starving themselves and feeling guilty for ingesting actual food. My doctor and I do not have such misconceptions.
• The absence of UncleR/AuntG/CousinM was probably a blessing and may have contributed to the calmer atmosphere. You see, AuntZ likes, when the three sibs (she, Dad, and UncleR) get together, to incite something and then try to get one brother to side with her against the other. While I was on pins and needles to see how Jackie might react to seeing her beloved in a ranting tirade against his brother or sister, I can't complain about what passes for harmony in this family. That said, UncleR/AuntG did send along cards and gifts for the birthday people. Jackie said how nice that was. Dad replied, "Yeah it was nice. It would be nicer if they had bothered to come tonight..." Couldn't resist, could he?
• Dad also, after a fair amount of wine, declared that Jackie is "the love of [his] whole life!" Oy. Glad he's happy and all, but I guess he was only faking it with Mom and Fran (Wife 2.0) then, hm. Just sayin'.

In such an environment, I know it confuses you that I was climbing the walls by 8 p.m. Husband was drinking (I'm a built-in desi these days, and I even passed up the half glass I allow myself because my tolerance is so much lower than it used to be and I knew it wouldn't take a lot for me to snap) so, while he was aware of how late it was getting, he also was going with the flow better than I was. In the end, after invisible cake and presents due to so little light, we didn't get out of there till 10, meaning we didn't get home until 11. I peeled off my face and got in bed, and must have passed out inside of 3 minutes. Next time, I think we'll have to make noise about leaving starting an hour after we arrive.