Rosie Turns 100!!

That's right everyone! This is my 100th post, and it's all because of your love and support and viable literacy! I can't thank you enough! I'd also like to thank Blogger for hosting my aimless ramblings for almost two years now.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I am posting not about news or celebs or the other oddities that cross my plane of existence. No, I write instead pure fluff and nonsense. I have found a series of 100 random questions on some random website that I will answer for your entertainment and amusement. Hopefully. I tend to answer honestly and that doesn't always equal funny. So here's hoping that this isn't boring.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

"It was forbidden in his home, and he appreciated it as though it were his own private discovery." - D. Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day (I swear the context is G-rated! He's talking about his father's love of jazz music!)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?

My office desk, my day planner, my company portfolio, an empty soda can, my wallet, a penny, a stack of homeless papers, my water bottle, some post-it notes, lip balm, my coffee (tea) mug, pens in my pen cup, a legal pad, a steno pad, my book, various bottles of hand lotion, my wedding picture, a bottle of spray-in conditioner, and a leftover baby shower invitation.

3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?

Reviewing a document.

4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

I'm bypassing Holly Morris's obnoxious face because her very existence makes me angry and instead answering Lie to Me on Fox. (Tim Roth rules! Though I suspect he's playing House without the limp or the M.D.)

5. Without looking, guess what time it is.

9:20 a.m.

6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

9:42 a.m. (Explains a lot about my promptness, yes?)

7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

The HVAC system, and loud coworkers in the hall.

8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

I was walking from my car in the parking garage to my office building.

9. Did you dream last night?

I'm pretty sure I did.

10. Do you remember your dreams?

Sometimes.

11. When did you last laugh?

This morning.

12. Do you remember why / at what?

My cat was being ridiculous, as she often is in the morning.

13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Photos of my cat, Husband, Niece, a 2009 mini-calendar, my boss's business card, an outdated team contact list, a questionable responsibility matrix, a staple remover, a post-it with the voicemail number and my PIN (it's coded), and a list of things I need to do every day before I leavethe office (if you forget to put out your trash can, yesterday's lunch can be...pungent; they send nastygrams to you and your boss if you forget to do your timesheet every day...)

14. Seen anything weird lately?

Always.

15. What do you think of this quiz?

It had great potential, but the fact that I'm completing it at the office is drawing down the interest factor. I may do it again at home in hopes of better answers.

16. What is the last film you saw?

Oh good lord. I have no idea. I'm going to go with How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the good one, not the Jim Carrey one) when I was trying to drag myself out of my Humbuggy funk.

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Tough call, because my experience is sorely limited. The sad truth is that I'd probably live in Virginia still, but farther out in the more rural areas so people won't bug me.

18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

A non-town house.

19. Share something about you that most people don't know.

As much as I love to eat, my senses of smell and taste are pretty weak.

20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

Eliminate organized religion. While I respect people's need to believe in SOMEthing, the minute you throw rituals into it, you're going to have trouble. People in Northern Ireland are killing each other over a difference in the way they perform the same religion. Jews and Christians and Muslims and whoall else have killed each other for millenia because their version of monotheism is better than your version of monotheism, which confuses me because if there's only one god, then aren't you all worshipping the same being under different names? (And yes, I know there's been a fair amount of property dispute at the root of it, but still.)

21. Do you like to dance?

Yes. Other people don't like it so much when I do, though!

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Sure. What kind of question is this?

23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?

Not really.

24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?

House phone: Graphics Lab. (We don't know either.)
Cell phone: Husband.
Work phone: Ha! Trick question - no one calls me here!

25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

Sorry to disappoint, folks. It's either the Amazon Universal Wish List button, or an update to WinZip.

26. Last time you swam in a pool?

"Swam" isn't entirely accurate. "Flopped around like a breaching whale" is closer to the truth. This summer, to just answer the question.

27. Type of music you like most?

Ooh... I'm going to go with the various shades of Rock.

28. Type of music you dislike most?

Rap. Hands down.

29. Are you listening to music right now?

No.

30. What color is your bedroom carpet?

Beige, just like everybody else.

31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?

And it has to be this house? Gut the kitchen, I suppose. New floors, new stove, new counters, new paint, better storage.

32. What was the last thing you bought?

A book of instructions on making crocheted snowflakes. Now all I need to do is learn to crochet.

33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?

NOOOOOOOOO!

34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?

Unlikely, but I think I'd be more inclined to sky diving because at least the view is pretty and there's less blood rush to the head. Besides, you have to be a special kind of crazy to voluntarily jump off a bridge with a rubber band tied around your ankles.

35. Do you have a garden?

Yes.

36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?

I do.

37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

HUNGRY!

38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?

Now see this is tricky. I never went in for those contests where you get to have lunch or spend a day around a celebrity. What am I going to talk about? Celebrity gossip? But since I'm being a good sport today, I'll go with Anne Hathaway for the out-and-out famous because I love her - as long as she doesn't get preachy about her vegetarianism. Otherwise, Brad Meltzer for the sorta-famous because the punk is living the life I should have and I want him to tell me how he does his research.

39. Who sent the last text message you received?

I can almost guarantee it was Julie! (What? You text a lot!)

40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

Amazon, but that's not really a store. I'd say Ann Taylor Loft, but their styles are kind of hit-or-miss and I'd find it hard to max out in one go. Same deal with a kitchen store like Williams-Sonoma - I know their stuff is overpriced and I don't have storage for a lot of it, so I'd have issues with that. Maybe a furniture store, since I could max out in one trip, but our current furniture is functional and we have nowhere to put new things.

41. What time is bed time?

Most weekdays, 10:30 p.m.

42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?

No. When I was about 10 or 12, I took a notion that I wanted to be in one and asked Mom if I could. Mom tactfully hedged, and I didn't even notice when the deadline for registration passed without my name gracing the roster. This was definitely for my own good. Beauty pageants by their very definition invite people to rate you based on looks and whatever outward talent you can display in a 60-second span, which is doubly hard to the psyche at such an extremely vulnerable point in a girl's development and at that point can only place even more weight on judging the quality of one's physical appearance than is unfortunately normal during adolescence, which leads to eating disorders and self-hatred. Furthermore, I have stage fright, no outward talents, and my body type tends to be of the sort to withstand hard work and harsh winters but doesn't often stack up well against Little Miss Naturally Svelte.

However, I recognize that I am not possessed of such tact, so when the time comes for my daughter to ask me such a question, I only hope I don't laugh in her face, coughing out "No way!" between cackles.

43. How many tattoos do you have?

None.

44. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?

Thought about it, but couldn't commit.

45. What did you do for your last birthday?

I think Husband and I just stayed in.

46. Do you carry a donor card?

Yes.

47. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?

Husband.

48. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half-empty. Why would you only fill it halfway?

49. What's the farthest-away place you've been?

Honolulu, Hawaii.

50. When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?

One that I/my family grew? Probably when I was 14. One that *someone* grew? Maybe 2007.

51. Have you ever won a trophy?

No, but I got a second-place ribbon on Field Day in 2nd grade for running bases, and a third-place ribbon for, I think, high jump. Which is odd because the last time I tried to do high-jump, I made such an uncoordinated mess of it that I couldn't get out of the mat, I was laughing so hard.

52. Are you a good cook?

I think so.

53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?

Did someone from NJ write this quiz? Yes, of course I know how to pump my own gas.

54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?

Catherine II of Russia (before she went all paranoid), Elizabeth I of England, or Eleanor of Aquitaine. Only thing is, I would want to meet them as equals and I don't think any of them would particularly allow that.

55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?

No.

56. Do you touch-type?

Yes.

57. What's under your bed?

A rabid tribe of dust bunnies, and the under-bed storage box where we keep our comforter in the summer.

58. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No.

59. Think fast, what do you like right now?

That it's sunny and that the local schools had a 2-hour delay today, making my commute a breeze.

60. Where were you on Valentine's day?

Which year? I was at home last year.

61. What time do you get up?

Weekdays, 5:45-5:55 a.m. Weekends and other days when I get up of my own accord, 8:30 a.m.

62. What was the name of your first pet?

There were two: Sneaky, and Pancake.

63. Who is the second to last person to call you?

Home? Graphics Lab. (They call a lot.)
Cell: Um... probably Julie.
Work: Ha! No one calls here! But, probably Husband.

64. Is there anything going on this weekend?

SUPER BOWL!

65. How are you feeling right now?

Hungry. A little light congestion still in the chest. My toes are a bit pinched. Emotionally stable. Otherwise, fine.

66. What do you think about the most?

Money.

67. Favorite non-alcoholic drink? (Stolen from the random website's other quiz because the original was a repeat question.)

Diet Coke.

68. If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?

Until after I'd met with an attorney, financial planner, and the lottery committee. And moved to Montana where y'all can't get your hands on my CASH!

69. Who would you tell first?

Um, Husband? Oh, right, he's in Montana with me. Probably Mom.

70. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?

I... think it was Hancock.

71. Do you sing in the shower?

Only if I'm positive no one else is around.

72. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? (Again, stolen from the random website's other quiz because the original was a repeat question.)

Yes. Husband makes a good stir-fry with them.

73. What do you do most when you are bored?

Turn on the TV to a station that usually doesn't annoy me, or wander aimlessly around the house looking for something to do.

74. What do you do for a living?

Technical Writing.

75. Do you love your job?

Love is a strong word. I don't know anyone who loves their job. But I don't hate it and they keep giving me money.

76. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Author.

77. If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?

Well-respected published author.

78. Which came first the chicken or the egg?

The egg.

79. How many keys on your key ring?

Four, I think.

80. Where would you retire to?

Somewhere in Virginia. Seriously, this place is pretty great. No earthquakes. No landslides. No volcanoes ready to blow. No hurricanes. Tornadoes and flooding aren't really problems. Four seasons. Temperate climate. Mild winters. Summers aren't bad once you get out of DC or Tidewater. Mountains and beaches only a couple of hours' drive either way.

81. What kind of car do you drive?

Honda Civic.

82. What are your best physical features?

I have a good smile, good teeth, and nice eyes. People seem to like my hair, but it's pissing me off right now between the static and general unruliness.

83. What are your best characteristics?

Genuinely nice personality, lots of empathy, and I'm always looking for a laugh.

84. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?

Extended tour of Europe!

85. What kind of books do you like to read?

Lately I'm on a comedy kick, but fiction takes up most of my bookshelves, with some historical/biographical work thrown in.

86. What is your zodicac sign? (Yet again, stolen randomly from the random website's other quiz because the original was a repeat question.)

By birthdate, I'm a Leo. By personality, I'm a Cancer.

87. What is your favorite time of the day?

Afternoon, I think. The light is nice and I'm most productive in the afternoon.

88. Where did you grow up?

Northern Virginia.

89. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?

About 10 miles.

90. What are you reading now?

Me Talk Pretty One Day, by David Sedaris. Reflections in a Jaundiced Eye, by Florence King. We Thought You Would Be Prettier, by Laurie Notaro. And I'm still trying to get through Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen.

91. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Night Owl, though I can't stay up like I used to.

92. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No.

93. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?

Yes. Can anyone not do this?

94. Do you have pets?

I have a very silly cat.

95. How many rings before you answer the phone?

Depends on how far away it is and how fast Caller ID registers.

96. What is your best childhood memory?

I liked climbing the trees in my grandparents' backyard when I was small, and popping the seed pods on Grandma's impatiens. I can't pinpoint one memory in particular.

97. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?

Lawn jockey, babysitter, chicken slinger, salad artist, cashier, file clerk, temp, intern, food court server (worked the lines; did not cook the food), minute taker (blech!), document manager, and technical writer.

98. Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?

Husband and I thwarted a nasty group of credit card thieves! Well, at least as far as our account was concerned.

99. What is most important in life?

Being content with yourself and liking who you are as a person.

100. What Inspires You?

Passion, joy, laughter.

Simple Gifts

I was proud and exhilirated today to witness an historic moment in American history. At 12 p.m. EST, I watched as Barack Obama, our nation's 44th, and first African American, president took the oath of office in 25-degree weather before a crowd of people so thick you could not see the grass on the entirety of the National Mall. I thought the classical arrangement of Simple Gifts was beautiful and moving, I smiled as our new president endearingly flubbed his lines (you'd be nervous too if you were being entrusted with leadership of this magnitude!), and I found his speech poignant, insightful, and inspiring.

But something troubles me now as it did during the election.

While I feel that Mr. Obama engenders the kind of optimism, forward-looking, and re-dedication that this country so needs right now, he is not the answer to all our problems and I feel it is a disservice to the man to consider him so.

I offer you an excerpt from Eavesdrop DC, a blog similar to Overheard in the Office in which random people submit bits of conversations they happened to overhear while traveling around Capital City:

"Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Overheard while transferring from ridiculously crowded Red Line train to ridiculously crowded Yellow Line train at China Town
Woman One: Dammmnnn girl! This Metro so damn c-rowded!
Woman Two: Shit yeah. Too many people here.
Woman One: Don’t worry, Obama gonna take care of that."

Seriously? I've heard other similar statements both personally and in print.

During and since the election, it seems people have looked upon him and treated him almost as the coming of the messiah. He is seen as the dawning of a Utopia, a right to all wrongs, the bringer of a harmonious society. They have painted a masterpiece-worthy image of him in their mind, and I'm sorry to break it to them, but no one can live up to that hype. That is an enormous amount of pressure to put on a person, and he will be under a level of scrutiny that would make even the most papparazzo-pestered starlet cringe on his behalf. His election was not a miracle, as some have called it; it was a reasoned act by people of all races of this country. The result will not be perfect. And there will be a lot of disappointed people when that becomes apparent.

The ugly truth: Obama will make mistakes. Obama will stumble through more than his oath of office. Obama will fail to deliver on some of his campaign promises. Obama will emerge as a fallible human being. Because he IS a fallible human being and he doesn't have all the answers, nor does he have a magic wand that he will wave and make our financial, international, and energy woes disappear. He's just a good person trying to do his best to lead his country in the direction he sees as the safest and most prosperous. And in that, the man has my gratitude, my respect, my faith, and my trust.

So on this momentous day, I say let us be grateful for the simple gifts of watching history made and observing the manifestation of Dr. King's dream, and let us look ahead on this new day with hope in our hearts and both eyes open.

2008 Holiday Recap

Or, Adventures in Asshattery.

I know this is late, but I needed some distance from the last part. Also, this holiday required more running around than normal, and was followed up so closely by big events in friends' lives and actual real live work that this is the first time I've been able to sit down and put something together.

Overall, this holiday followed suit with the preceding 11 months and 24 days. It was a dud. The gifts were lovely; don't think me that ungrateful. But all furniture remained intact, all food was thoroughly cooked, demonstrable alcoholism was kept to a minimum, and family feuds merely sparked but did not rage.

Yet through all this, a hero emerged, bearing the mantle of Instigator, and shouldering the heavy burden of discomfiting the lot of us at every turn. The hero of whom I write is, as you may expect, my father.

By now, my faithful Rosie-fans are familiar with the semi-standard Holiday Pilgrimage. Christmas Eve with Dad&Co, Christmas Day with InLaws, Day After with Mom&Co. Usually, I am in contact with Dad at some point in early to mid-December, finalizing plans, determining expected dress code, and finding out what we can bring. However, 2008 threw us a loop.

Let me backup. This has to start back in October for the true effect to be made clear.

In mid-October, Dad wrote, asking if we could get together for dinner “so I have a chance to refresh my memory of what you two look like.” (Passiveaggressivesayswhat?) So I wrote him back, proposing dates on which we were free within the week and actual restaurants depending on whether he was coming from home or the office, to prove that we were serious about getting together (it has come up before). And I heard nothing. And nothing. The dates passed. Still nothing. I realized in time that nothing was coming, but knowing that we had made the last volley, I decided that it was his turn to reply and left it at that.

Now it’s November. Still nothing. He probably forgot and is too busy flying around to all his Very Important clients. Now it’s Thanksgiving. Still nothing. Not even a Happy Thanksgiving call, email, or text message. I know a card is beyond him.

Now it’s December. I get off my high horse and reach out by way of a Christmas card (the only one he received, as I understand).

And nothing.

And nothing.

And now it’s December 23. For several days, I’ve been saying that if he doesn’t call, we’re just not going. And I stomp around in a stew of self-righteousness (and I still know I was right in that determination, for what it’s worth) insisting loudly to no one that he’s cutting it awfully close. But Husband apparently inherited his mother’s need to bend over backwards in pursuit of family harmony and encouraged me to be the Mature One and call him. After more stomping around and railing at no one, I break down and do so. It’s 6pm on December 23, so I call his cell phone and his house phone and leave messages on both. Sister, Niece, and Sister’s Fiancé were all supposed to be there, so maybe they’re out seeing the sites of DC or at a nice dinner somewhere. They’ll call back and we’ll have a forced laugh.

And now it’s December 24, the day on which we are supposed to go to Dad’s. But I haven’t heard a peep out of him since mid-October. There certainly has been no invitation to Christmas Eve, no discussion of appropriate garb, and no suggestions of something I can bring to help out. I call again at 10 am – cell phone and house phone, but I know he has no cell reception to speak of and a questionable house line, so I also email both his home and work email addresses because even if his phone lines aren’t working, I know his email does.

And now it’s noon on December 24. And nothing. Now I’m not just bemused. I’m pissed off. Granted, my self-righteousness has been in overdrive, waxing poetic at the possibility of Best Christmas Ever (namely one in which we don’t go over to Dad’s on Christmas Eve and instead get to relax at home with the glow of the tree and a glass of good wine) and threatening to just not go and not try again since the man is an adult and needs to understand that inaction has its consequences as well. But my stubborn sense of What Is Right is simultaneously all up in a flutter over either being snubbed or outright forgotten. So I make one last round of calls to his cell phone, his house phone, and this time also to his work phone. No answer on any of the above. On each voicemail, I try to keep my voice light, but I do inform him that if we do not hear back by 2pm, we’re going to assume we are not invited this year and that we will make alternate plans. I email him this same information, again to both addresses. I also call Sister’s cell phone and text her for good measure, figuring that I’ve covered all of my bases this time and that there is nothing more I can do.

And now it’s 2:30 pm on December 24. Torn between giddiness over having Christmas Eve the way *I* want to and the indignation over having been excluded and general frustration with the man-child, I stomp my way upstairs and take my shower, preparing to run to Giant to get stuff for dinner.

At 3pm, as I’m combing my hair out, the phone rings. It’s Dad. And he’s cheerful. And he wants to know what time we’re coming over tonight. It seems that he has not yet received any of my messages or emails; it's just the first time it has occurred to him to make this call. In spite of all the threats I've been making about telling him what to do with his Christmas Eve, I instead very tightly manage to tell him that we weren’t sure we were invited tonight and that Husband’s at work right now. Dad moans that he’s so sorry that we ever felt that way, that of course we’re invited, and that we should just come over whenever we can. I relay the message to Husband and we bandy about the prospect of showing up way late just to spite him, but we agree that, since Sister’s Fiancé is cooking, it’s not fair to spoil the meal that Fiancé worked hard to prepare (while also really meeting us for the first time) when we’re actually only mad at Dad. About this time, Dad calls back – what time does Husband get home, and can we make it by, say, 5:30? So much for "whenever we can."

We went, and the evening was actually rather pleasant. Dinner was delicious, everyone was civilized, and it was, frankly, the nicest Christmas Eve I've had in a number of years now. The moments of most discomfort occurred over Dad and AuntZ squabbling across the entire house (seriously, I could hear them on the second floor), and Dad imploring us to come a day early next year, complaining that he “doesn’t feel like he really *knows* us.”

A side note here – when my parents were still married, my father’s parents would plague my mother with this exact line every single time she came over. Never mind that, had they asked her a question, she would have answered. Never mind that we lived across the county, not across the country. So I found it inexplicably hilarious that Dad is now pulling the same line on me that used to drive Mom insane. Dad, maybe if you would email, or call, or actually see us instead of treating us like casual acquaintances (you know the type – you run into them and there is an exchange of “we should do lunch sometime,” but neither of you really mean it), you might “know us” better. Furthermore, I am staring 30 in the face. If you don’t know me by now, one extra night before a holiday (during which my Husband will almost certainly suffer an asthma attack due to the dust and dog dander, and will otherwise be generally congested and miserable the entire time) will not go a long way towards rectifying the situation.

But let us move on. When we returned from Richmond and finally had a moment to ourselves, I found a mass email from Dad in my inbox, generally saying Happy New Year and listing items that were found and probably belong to someone in the family. He also emailed me directly, apologizing again for the Fail and saying that we should get together in January for pizza at Fireworks. I made a point of writing a very nice thank you note to him, trying to show that there were no hard feelings over the Christmas Eve That Almost Wasn’t and agreeing that getting together for pizza would be a fine thing.

And nothing.

And nothing.

Until January 8. I received an email from Dad. Subject line: “Was that you?” I’ll include the entirety of the email here for your edutainment:

Hi Rosie,
There was a voice mail waiting for me. It contained what sounded like a "Rosie sigh".

That’s it. No prelude, no taper, no “Love, Dad” (just an office email signature), and certainly no explanation as to exactly what a Rosie Sigh is. It had a statement of fact, a statement of opinion, but no question or whathaveyou that would initiate action on my part. Did he just want to inform me? Or did he think his subject line was enough? Did the guy completely miss the section in 4th grade during which we learn how to frame a letter? Nevertheless, I wrote back when I received it (a couple of hours later), explaining that I haven’t called since Christmas Eve and that then I left a real voicemail, so it probably wasn’t me; hope that helps; ~Rosie.

His response, quoted in its entirety, beginning to end: Hmmm! In any case - thanks.

And that is the last I heard from him.