A Bright Idea

But not bright enough. I'm talking of course about the darling of the latest incarnation of the environmental movement: the curlicue light bulb, or Compact Flourescent (CFL) bulb.

Don't misunderstand - I'm all for the saving of electricity, and therefore energy (and, for that matter, money - hey I'm a good American capitalist!) They last longer, meaning I have to buy fewer and think about them less frequently. They're tougher, meaning I won't be bringing home a 4-pack with only one viable bulb anymore, and I don't have to nurse my paranoia that the bulb will shatter in my hand as I'm installing it, hopelessly shredding my poor fingertips to ribbons and I won't be able to write for weeks and weeks! Oh the humanity!! Yes, I actually worry about this when I'm installing a standard bulb. Hey, I warned you I was neurotic.

But the technology has a long way to go before it's ready for prime-time.

I went ahead and bought a CFL to replace the burnt out bulb in the torchiere lamp in my bedroom. I bought the CFL bulb that the package said was equivalent to my original 60W incandescent bulb. Feeling very self-satisifed and ready to transfer all our incandescents over to these nice new efficient bulbs, I screwed it into the socket and triumphantly flipped the switch.

Ha HA! Take THAT, you electricity wasting, filament busting, super-fragile incandescents!

Nothing happened. And then the light sort of came on. I say "sort of" because the light was very dim. Over the course of the next couple of minutes, the light grew to a stable luminosity, but it was still less than the 60W incandescent, and it was still that cold gray of flourescent lighting rather than the warm yellow of standard bulbs. I was not pleased.

I did some research for this post on the GE website.

The bottom line is, despite the assertions of GE and other lighting manufacturers, CFLs just are not yet as good as the old inefficient incandescents, and here's why:


1) CFL light takes a while to warm up to its full brightness. When I flip a switch, I expect the output to be 100%, or else something's wrong with the bulb. This appears to just be a failure of the current technology. Hopefully the manufacturers will be able to improve this factor over time.

2) The light is dimmer and colder than standard bulbs. GE says that you can get around this by using a higher wattage equivalent: "Because the wattage of a CFL bulb is much lower than that of an incandescent, you can use higher wattage CFL giving you the equivalent light of a higher wattage incandescent. For example: If your fixture says not to exceed 60 watts, you can use a 15 watt CFL to get the same amount of light as an incandescent bulb or use up to a 42 watt CFL and increase the amount of light." But the box for 60W-equivalent says to buy a 15W CFL to get the same amount of light. So why should it occur to me to buy a 42W CFL? So this needs to be clarified on the packaging for one, and it still doesn't do anything about the coldness and grayness (is that a word?) of the output light. So, GE et al, include the brightness info on the packaging (or make it more obvious if it's already there because I don't recall seeing it!), and work on the tone of the lighting.

3) Lack of (or lack of availability of) bulbs for dimmable or multi-way lights. Again, GE says they have a 12/23/29 CFL bulb to compare to the 50/100/150 3-way standard bulbs, and dimmable 26W CFL to compare to the dimmable 100W standard bulb. I say that Target isn't stocking them! So this is a problem of both the manufacturers and of Target. As a retailer, you'd think Target would be stocking the big trend all over creation. They've certainly got enough of the ugly trendy fashions in their clothing departments (foreshadowing for an upcoming post, btw), but they've only got one or two types of CFL bulbs available. I cry foul. I am not about to go to a home improvement store for light bulbs - yes, mainly because I'm lazy - but also on principle. And Manufacturers - push the idea on the retailers. Going green is the big thing lately. Help them help you help us (think about it - it makes sense.)

So that is my big beef with the CFL. I want to use them, I'd like to use them, I like where things are going by the mere fact that they exist, but they just simply do not compare with incandescents just yet.

CFL Manufacturers, I challenge you to work on the technology, work on the quality, and work on the availability. When those three things come together, you'll be unstoppable. In the meantime, good job on moving toward a better alternative.

And don't hate when I buy another batch of incandescents.

To My Dear Husband

I love you more with every passing day.

Here's to two wonderful years

and to hopes and dreams

for many more.

Happy Anniversary!

A Beachy Good Time with Marc & Ashley!

Congratulations to Ashley and Marc, who were married this past Saturday, May 19, in the Outer Banks of North Carolina.

We braved 11 hours round trip in the car, endless traffic jams on I-64, and the terrible pinch of fancy shoes, but it was worth it, and we were absolutely going to be there!

Ashley's family vacations in the Outer Banks every summer, so it was the ideal place for them to get married. I've never seen a couple more in love. Best wishes to them both!

Mazel Tov to Allie & Jonathan!

Congratulations to Allie & Jonathan, who tied the knot under the chuppah on Sunday, May 13!

We made it to the wedding by the skin of our teeth (which is an icky mental image, don't you think?), but I've known Allie since we were 10 years old, and I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

We had a wonderful time, and I danced like a fool all night. I'm still nursing the blisters, but they were worth it.

Needless to say, my friend looked beautiful, the day was beautiful, the setting was beautiful, the ceremony was beautiful, and I am ecstatically happy to see her so happy. Husband and I only met Jonathan once before, but we took to him right away, and I know I can count on him to take care of her, so far as she ever needs taking care of.

Saving Lives One Pint at a Time

Hooray for me! I donated blood yesterday. This is a pet cause of mine, and I encourage everyone who is eligible to do so as well.

Husband and I donate to charities of course, but we're not particularly rich, and therefore not able to contribute vast amounts. I'm glad to know my drop in the bucket is helping to fund their next donation drive. But nothing charitable I've done to date has felt so good and affirming as when I donated last summer and a week later received a little postcard from INOVA Blood Services that read, "Congratulations, you saved a life today!"

I almost wanted to frame it. My half hour spent in the chair that cost me nothing and got me free cookies and OJ meant that someone was alive who otherwise might not be.

INOVA's got a system in which they barcode the bags of blood at the time of donation, and the barcode connects back to your information in their computers. Once they use your blood to save a life, they scan the code and the postcard is sent out. It's genius: instead of donating whatever to some amorphous entity and trusting that your efforts will reward those in need and not just line someone's pockets or fund the next batch of free address labels, here is real feedback that your contribution made an immediate difference.

I've donated with various services since I was 17. I'm O+, so I figure it's sort of my civic duty, like voting, even though my blood can only be used for half of the blood types out there (O can go into anyone, but positive can only go into positive). I gave up on VBS after they sent a newbie to my college who completely botched it - the blood did end up coming out of my shirt, but still. I have no beef with the Red Cross except that they send humorless drones to work their blood drives. But I mainly donate to INOVA now because I know my blood will be used locally.

So if you ever get into some horrific situation and end up in the ER, just remember, it could be me that's keeping you alive.

I Love Blogthings

I'm not sure what a "life path number" is, but here's mine:

Your Life Path Number is 4

Your purpose in life is to build your vision. You are practical and responsible. You work hard, knowing that there are no shortcuts in life. You work for a better life for yourself and those you love, but you are not an idealist. Trustworthy and honest, you also demonstrate great courage. People can count on you. In love, you are a loyal and committed partner. You are the ideal spouse. You don't give up easily, and sometimes you can be too stubborn and unwilling to change. You also can be too conservative at times. You sometime miss out on good opportunities. Also remember that not everyone can work as hard as you, as disappointing as that is!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Whatever it is, it's pretty accurate.

SUCCESS!! Sort of...

WE HAVE A WINNER! The Great Dress Search has ended. I purchased this lovely item for $98 at Nordstrom.com and it will be here well before the June 9 wedding. The soft blue will mesh nicely with carnation, and blue and I are friends, much like red and I are friends.

The caveat is that I already have this dress. This is the aforementioned "smokin' hot cranberry dress." I tried it on last night to make sure the size and style still fit, and indeed they did, to the point that Husband actually stopped in his tracks. Nice.

I felt a little silly about buying the exact same dress in two colors, but with the luck I've been having, push has officially come to shove. I know this dress, I like this dress, I can afford this dress. There were certainly scads of other lovely options on the sites, but I simply cannot afford them, and when I tried them on, I might have ended up with other fiascos such as the ignominous Miami Pink, or Barrel Body, or Shrunken Waist Length.

So to all of you Judgey McGhees out there who think it's gauche to have the exact same dress in two colors, stuff it. Unless you're buying the dress for me and arranging for me to have a full day off with pay in order to shop for and try on the various contenders, I don't want to hear it. Seacrest out.

Private Dancer

I saw a real live male stripper this weekend for the first time ever, and it was one of the most hilariously uncomfortable hours of my entire existence.

It was a bachelorette party. We had an amazing time: dinner at Lebanese Taverna, drinks and dancing at a local bar, back to Bridesmaid's house where we all planned to crash for the night. On the way back to the house, we called for a "pizza" to be delivered, since you know, that dancing works up an appetite. Well, that was what we told Bride, anyway.

At the appointed time, Danny the Pizza Delivery Guy arrived (his arrival was pre-arranged, we just had to call to let him know when to show up), asking, "Who's hungry?!" I kid you not. Cue the sleazy saxophone music, right? Bow-chicka-bow-wow. So "Danny" (because I'm SO sure that's his real name, although he averred that it was) puts down his mini-stereo, and Bride is now on to the fact that we hired her a stripper. In our defense, Bride's only requests for the evening were dancing and a stripper. She may have been joking about the stripper, but Bridesmaid wasn't...

Bonus points: Danny already exceeds our expectations. He is not old (somewhere in the 28/29 range, like us), he is not hairy, he is not fat. Furthermore, he is a complete stranger (I had this semi-irrational dread that we were going to open the door to find someone we knew), and he is not a "butter face" (MOH's dread). In fact, he was surprisingly attractive. Score.

We find a Chair Of Dishonor and promptly seat Bride in it. Much hilarity and general humiliation ensues. At the risk of outing myself as a prude, I will say that Danny was rather considerate and respectful of the fact that I was painfully shy and reserved. While Partygoers A and B were much more, um, hands-on about the matter, I honestly did nothing but laugh the entire damn time, mainly because I couldn't think of another reaction.

And because the entire scene was a study in ridiculousness. Aside from his oh-so-swave opening line and the fact that I couldn't get MadTV's Cabana Chat ("DANCE, Pool Boy!") out of my head, here was this mostly naked man in the room, waving his naughty bits at us...yet we keep trying to engage him in coversation. We were Party 2 of 3 that night, and there were scratches on his chest that he said were from an overzealous party guest at Party 1, so we offered him some Neosporin. Partygoer C works at a gym and was impressed by his build, asking him what he did for his lats, etc. We asked him how he got into "the business," how long he'd been at it, what other customers were like, where he got the Papa John's shirt. I'm rather certain it was one of the oddest parties he's ever entertained for.

It's probably a fantasy line of work for a lot of guys. Women pay you (quite handsomely) to show up, take off your clothes, and let them touch you. And they give you extra money for it. These are things you'd do for free if you were just a guy that a woman had picked up in a bar - actually, you'd be out a bit of money after having to buy the woman drinks and out a bit of time after having to listen to her talk (face it ladies, that's how guys think.)

However, I have this theory that male strippers, being male, operate under the mistaken belief that what turns women on is the same as what turns men on. Therefore, I find it my personal duty to alleviate some of these misconceptions:

1. Consider your wardrobe. The Papa John's shirt was hilarious - nice touch, Danny. And the all-black beneath was a convenient base for the fireman you'd appeared as at the party before us, and the police officer you were appearing as at the party following us. Black is hot, no question there. But please, for the love of all that is holy, FOREGO THE SOCKS. They must be the least sexy item of clothing in the average man's wardrobe. And during the strip, they are a difficult item to remove without hopping about on one foot and looking more-than-a-little ridiculous. If you're concerned about foot odor, keep a pair of flip flops in the car to drive in, and you can change into your proper shoes when you get out of the car. You won't be wearing the sockless shoes very long anyway. Which brings me to...

2. Take your time taking off your clothes. Men are notorious for wanting women naked now, which leads to a fair amount of buyer's remorse over our purchases at Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood. Women, as the buyers of said complicated lingerie, understand and appreciate the tease. Show a bit of ab here, a flash of bicep there. Make us want to see more. That turns us on. Do not be in such a hurry to get undressed just because that's what you would like a woman to do. Points to Danny for at least leaving on the leopard-print thong (which was hilarious in its own right.) Which leads me to my next point:

3. I know this one is going to break your little hearts. Guys, women do not find your penis sexy. I state again that Danny courteously left his thong on the entire time. But page through a Playgirl and note the content of most of the photos. That's right, guys with serious muscles. Much rarer, if ever, is the sight of a guy's wang. Why? Well have you seriously looked at it? It's just not attractive. Do not - I repeat - do not wave, shake, or thrust your junk at me, even clothed, and especially within a 5-foot radius of my face. That is not sexy! A little funny, but not sexy. Men may find it hot when the quickly-naked chick starts flashing parts of her that would not be permitted in even an R-rated film (I refer you to Wanda Sykes' stand-up routine: "LOOK AT IT!!") Yeah, women don't want to see that. (Clarification: most women don't want to see that.) We can get that at home for free, and unlike guys and female strippers, it does not turn us on to see different sizes and shapes of your stuff. There was concrete proof that this was turning Danny on more than it was us. Instead, try to think of things we can't get at home, which brings me to...

4. There is a rumor widely circulated that white boys can't dance. Danny, bless his little heart, was no exception. Except for a bit of gyration-related lap dancing, alternating with the aforementioned waving/ shaking/ thrusting, there was little to the show. I'm not suggesting boy-bandesque choreography, but a little subtlety and/or finesse would have been okay. I've been to female strip clubs and I'll admit, those women can get into poses that I sure as hell can't do, so at least the patrons are getting a show that they in fact probably can't see at home. The cash collection game (Bride lays down on the floor, is covered with bills, and Danny picks them all up with his mouth) - cute idea, poor execution. An extra way to make bucks, I get it. But some of the moves you were pulling - it was kind of creepy, and again falls into the category of What Men Find Hot And Therefore Think Women Find Hot. Which brings me to...

5. Figure out your angle. Are you just there for entertainment? Are you trying to play the pseudo-seducer? Or are you hoping to actually get some from one of the customers? Regardless, NO KISSING! Fear not, it was only the cheek, but still, I don't know where your mouth has been. That and trying to whisper seductive stuff in our ears, which I suppose was meant to turn us on and get us all stripper-crazy. But Stripper Guy, you're not our husband, our fiance, our boyfriend, or even the guy we've been flirting with at the bar. I don't understand why you were alternately being Party Guy and trying to play Cassa-freaking-nova. Maybe that's standard male stripper schtick and maybe some women get all excited and either slip you their numbers or take you to the back room, I don't know. But if that's what you were aiming for, you shouldn't have scheduled three parties for the same night. Not that any of us in the room would have gone for that anyway. Then again, none of us in the room left claw marks on his chest either...

In spite of the silliness and despite all my criticism, Danny was a hit and I'm keeping him (or at least, his company) in mind for the upcoming 30th birthdays of some of my friends. Beware ladies...

The Universe is Still Against Me

The search continues. The same day I realized that the turquoise dress simply would not do, I ordered these two dresses from JC Penney. They were offering free shipping, and there's a Penney's in the mall near me, so I figured that if I didn't like it, I could return it to the store for a full refund, no restocking fee.(*cough*Overstock*cough*)

I tried on this top dress this morning. I don't know what they did to the model to make this dress sit properly on her, but I certainly couldn't do it to myself. My waist shrunk to about 3 inches long (not wide, semi-unfortunately) and my hips expanded exponentially. I ask you: what the eff?

The irony is, I had more hope for the black one than the purple one on the right . The color is listed as "denim," which, while my favorite fabric, suggests more blue than purple, and I don't know how well the tan print will do on blue. I guess I should reserve judgment until I see it in person. I'm lucky in that I can rock a halter neckline, and maybe it will be a flattering cut. Stay tuned.

Where're the Cheetos?!

I was listening to Elliot in the Morning on my ride in, and I have to say, I'm a lot more comfortable now with my less-than-social-butterfly ways. I may not go bar hopping or clubbing, I may not be a joiner, and I may be having a minor crisis of self over the fact that I have nothing low-key-but-cute to wear (sense a theme here?) to my friend's bachelorette party on Saturday. But I have real friends that I see pretty often. I do things outside my house. And I do not spend all my free time as a fake character in a fake game talking to other people who have equally empty lives.

Elliot was talking about World of Warcraft ("WOW" to the uninitiated; let's not point out that I am among the uninitiated) this morning, and he was getting calls and emails from people who were obsessed with it, who were married to people obsessed with it, who used to be obsessed with it, and/or whose lives were ruined by it.

One person called to say he only spent 5 hours a day playing, so he knew he was still this side of insane. Um, 5 hours?? Only?? Every day?? What else do you have time for in your life?

Another wrote in that WOW saved his life, that he had been an opium addict but that one of his friends had turned him onto WOW and he got so into the game that he stopped caring about getting high on opium and spent all his time playing the game. Dude. Put down the keyboard and get thee to an addiction/dependency counselor. You're not better - you've only traded one for the other.

One woman called to tell Elliot how she and her boyfriend made their relationship work with WOW, even though she didn't play. Because, see, he only played while she was at work, so he was able to spend time with her when she got home. Maybe I'm misunderstanding but, um, he doesn't work? You're honestly okay with going to work while he stays home and plays WOW all day because he pays attention to you when you come home? Really?

Another woman called in to say that she ended her engagement to her former fiance over WOW. When she was 6mo pregnant with his baby, she found out that he'd been meeting women (should there be quotes around that?) in the game and arranging for them to give him stripteases over webcam, went to meet a couple of them, and blew all their savings to build a new computer from the ground up to be dedicated for WOW. Yikes.

Back in college, I dated a guy who played Warcraft (not WOW; that didn't come out till later) a lot. A LOT. And it looked fun, and I wanted to play, but my computer kinda sucked, so no dice. Point: I understand that it can be a very fun and addictive game. But at least then there was still clearly a separation between Game and Life.

No fault on the developers of the game, only congrats to creating such a well-made product. No fault on those who have a handle on themselves and still voluntarily interact with other real live people on a regular basis (aside from those who pass your cubicle at work).

But WOWers - get a freaking grip. You're spending how much energy, money, and time to build up characters (excuse me - avatars) that don't exist except in binary; meanwhile your real lives are fading away. Just like in a bad relationship, when you find yourself turning down the chance to participate in real life in order to spend yet more time with your fake life, it's time to take a step back.