I Knew It

You Are 87% Tortured Genius

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood. Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

An Ode to My Cat, as I Get Ready for Work

Silly little spotted kitty
You look so happy where you're sitting.

With expressive tail and smudgey nose
You do not move when I touch your toes.

My bright-eyed little calico
I really do not want to go.

Would that I were a kitty too
And I could stay at home with you.

That's Hot

Paris Hilton is a free woman, it would seem. I think she spent all of, what, two weeks in the slammer? Total slap on the wrist of course, but the mini-holiday seems to have done her a world of good:


Here she appears fully clothed, with clean hair, minimal-or-no makeup, free of self-tanner (again, she at least appears so), and (thank you god) distinctly lacking the blue contacts. She looks - dare I say it? - pretty. Who knew?!

Myers-Briggs: 10 Years Later

I first took the Myers-Briggs test in my sophomore or senior year of high school, and I turned up an ISFJ with borderline INFJ. On a lark (and because my actual work is boring me senseless) I took the test again today, and it was gratifying to see some consistency and to know that I still am whom I am.

Today's test also placed me as an ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging), also known as the Protector Guardian personality type. Recalling my high school analysis, I reviewed the description for INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) as well, and it rang almost equally true to my ears. (Since it's a computer program and not a human evaluator, the results could only be "you are A or B", and not "you're A with borderline B.")

It's probably my weakness in the realm of abstract theory (S's prefer the familiar - tangible evidence and proven concepts) in combination with my habit of trusting until given a reason not to (characteristic of the ISFJ) rather than a suspicious and selective nature (characteristic of the INFJ) that sends me over the edge to ISFJ.

Some highlights:

ISFJ

• ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.
• They are notoriously bad at delegating: "If you want it done right, do it yourself." [Guilty.]
• They are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that, although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work - which is supposed to be a virtue in itself. [It's true - I love giving gifts and doing favors, but receiving thank you notes or effusive praise makes me really uncomfortable.]
• In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others.
• ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work,... nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind... [I've been told many times I should go into teaching, but the control freak in me says I'll just get fed up if the kids aren't getting the concept and I'll do it myself. See Bullet 2.]
• While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well.
• ISFJs have a few close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. However, they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, to run and get the nearest authority figure.
• The older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. [Hi Kristin!!]
• One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.

INFJ

• Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life.
• INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.
• INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.
• Writing, counseling, public service and even politics [HA!] are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche. [I am a writer. I was almost a psychologist. But politics? No chance in hell.] Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. In addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, and are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education), religious leadership, psychology and counseling.
• INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins.
• Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies.
• The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. [See? I'm not flaky. I'm thinking.] Like their fellow intuitives, INFJs may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. [There have been instances in which a person is standing mere feet from me, shouting my name, and I honestly do not hear them.] The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. [Comfort food = heaven.]
• While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers."

I'm Super Serial!! Or, a Lament for Al Gore...

Oh, Al Gore. What has become of you? Where is the man for whom I drove more than a hundred miles back to my home district to vote in the 2000 presidential election? Where is the patriarch who so charmed us with his family in that erstwhile Rolling Stone article (unfortunately no longer available on their online archive)? Where is the man who sparked such a following that we refused to believe he lost, and inspired us to take his cause to the highest ruling in the nation?

Gone. Gone to the four winds, to be replaced by this spotlight-addicted, self-righteous attention whore. Was it the shame of losing to The Puppet President that caused you to also lose your mind? Perhaps the fact that people had trouble taking you seriously after the proclamation that you invented the Internet (later proven to be media hype and not an actual quote, but it's just too good for this writer to pass up)? What was it that sent you from mere wooden boringness to full-on Michael Mooresque fanaticism?

I refer you to an interview in the London newspaper The Sun by journalist Victoria Newton (wearing outstanding shoes, might I add), titled, Al Gore - a Man with a Mission. While I'm loathe to trust any news article found in a London "newspaper" (in my experience, their average day's "news" consists of a few actual news articles padded with filler of the sort found in such sentient sources as The National Enquirer), I found quotes from the interview cited in various respected media outlets, lending it credence.

Exhibit A can be found in this article, in the form of a quote from the Gore-man himself: "The planet is in distress and all of the attention is on Paris Hilton. We have to ask ourselves what is going on here?"

Huh? Al, my dear, are you questioning our priorities? Are you actually calling us to account for ourselves for turning to the braincandy of Hiltonwatch '07 when we should be talking about nothing but the most critical of topics - say, for instance, the 1°F rise in average temperatures worldwide since 1880?

To begin with, can you really blame people for turning to silly subjects like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, the late Anna Nicole Smith, [InsertCelebutanteScandalHere]? Average schmucks like ourselves are busily worrying about how we're going to pay our mortgage, get the kids to daycare, keep our jobs from day to day, and avoid slipping further into obesity. We're tired. We look at the news and its all crime, war, and disasters. We're looking for something to take us away from the drudgery of everyday life. So we turn to tacky sitcoms, reality TV, misbehaving celebrities, and other salacious subjects. There we can escape to watch the overprivileged and undertalented make utter fools of themselves and careen head-on into oblivion. "Serves them right," we think, and we relax in the knowledge that we may not have the resources that they do, but at least we're not the trainwrecks that they are. The news makes us sad. Celebrities make us laugh. Which do you choose when you're already exhausted and stressed?

We don't have the luxury of being paid six figures for a speaking engagement. Most of us don't make six figures in an entire year. If we did, we could more easily fund our lifestyle and afford ourselves the time and energy to ponder the heavy issues. But let's imagine if we did, and consider just some of the things we could and maybe should be stopping the presses to mull over:

• The war in Iraq


• The war in Afghanistan (call it what you will; I call it a war)


• The Hamas rebellion in the Palestinian territories


• Genocide in Darfur


• The impending Second Cold War


• The impending Third World War


• The impending nuclearization of Iran and North Korea


• Global famine


• Drug-resistant TB, influenza, malaria


• Lax border security


• The weakness and growing irrelevance of the UN


• International terrorist cells


• Black holes


• Manbearpig


• Environmental complacency

Note that I did not call it Global Warming. (Image credit to the creative cat-obsessed folks who post on the Woot! community boards.)

Nerd moment: Humans have only been charting the temperatures for a couple hundred years, and we've only been around in our current form really for a few thousand. There is no real evidence to support the theory that what warming has been noticed is unnatural. I refer you, for instance, to the Little Ice Age, to the fact that the last official Ice Age only concluded about 12,000 years ago, and to the identified pattern of the planet experiencing regular cooling periods approximately every 1500 years or so; the Little Ice Age being between 700-800 years ago suggests that we're at about the zenith of the current warming period. All of this leads me to believe that the planet naturally goes through periods of warming and cooling independent of human existence.

Do I believe that humans are completely innocent in our misuse of natural resources and general apathy toward our output? Do I mean to say that we should continue on our current path, willy-nilly, and the planet will regulate itself? No. Of course not. See my post below, "A Bright Idea," in which I clearly state that I support the move toward less-consumptive and less-pollutive methods of existence. The pollution of our waters and the drastic changing of our landscape is by and large on human hands. This is why I refer to our "Environmental Complacency" as something to think about and consider, rather than the aforementioned pet topic of the day. But I also am not so arrogant as to believe that the global climate should remain at the levels we have grown accustomed to. Who are we to determine what is and is not normal? The planet will do as the planet will do, and if that means it will warm, it will warm, and if that means it will cool again - brace yourselves - it will cool again, and WE should adapt to IT, not the other way around. This is not rocket science, folks. However, to return to the point...

Chicken Little - er, um, Mr. Gore - your current hysteria regarding the theory of Global Warming, as evidenced in your Live Earth concert scheduled for 7/7/07, your 2006 "Oscar-winning" (are you kidding me?!) slideshow-cum-documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" (which was also a book, published 5/26/06) , and your book The Earth in Balance (published 10/31/06), is sorta kinda...overkill. Slow down, buddy. I hate to quote Bob Geldoff, but hey, he's right: "Everybody’s known about that problem for years. We are all (expletive) conscious of global warming..."

You run around waving your arms and shrieking about how global warming ran over your dog and peed on your lawn, alarming the general populous and inciting near-panic about something that is only a theory.

It's as though you realized, in the wake of your loss in 2000 and your non-run in 2004, that people weren't paying attention to you anymore. No one was listening to you anymore. So you found something to make them listen, to make them pay attention to you, and now you're going to ride this horse into the ground and beat it till it bleeds. Now you're the darling of the Democratic party again. But the matter is cooling, making way for such topics-du-jour as border security - both from illegal immigration and biological weaponry, foreign policy, and the national economy. (Image credit to those overgrown adolescents who design, write, and voice South Park, and who I hope never run out of material.)

So here you are, talking out of your ass, trying to tell us what our priorities should be. In fact, your latest book, An Assault on Reason, is described on Amazon as "A visionary analysis of how the politics of fear, secrecy, cronyism, and blind faith has combined with the degradation of the public sphere to create an environment dangerously hostile to reason." I cry Hypocrisy. You are making yourself guilty of the exact things for which you lambaste the Cowboy administration. Don't you think your media onslaught has been an assault on reason in and of itself? That your saturation of the public consciousness with the theory of global warming has created its own culture of fear? That the near-blacklisting of global warming dissenters creates a culture of cronyism and blind faith? Rather than letting us decide for ourselves what to hold up as the topic of the day, you have joined the ranks of the rest of the media, telling us what to think, what to believe, what is and is not true. Is it any surprise that we just start to tune you out?

Politics and Primaries

Tuesday was the Virginia primary. I couldn't tell you what for, and I couldn't tell you who was running. Frankly, I couldn't have told you we were HAVING a primary if I hadn't happened to catch the snippet on the morning news. Gurvir Dhinsa and Steve Chenevey were up in their anchor chairs, lamenting the lack of primary activity and wondering why it was that only x% of eligible VA voters show up for the primaries: Those ignorant fools, how can they live with themselves knowing that they are not taking part in our Constitutional rights - nay - duties?!

I'm not positive, but it's possible that it's due to the fact that most of the population didn't know we were having one. Sure we'd seen political posters go up, but then again, Gallup is already running polls about the presidential race that won't even occur for another... 16 months and 3 weeks. How were we to know, as we zipped past the signs at 50 mph, that these were for a primary in June rather than an election in November - either this year or next? You'd think that the candidates would have been papering the mailboxes for weeks leading up to it.

Besides, the politicos seem to go out of their way to make it as difficult as possible. I've never voted in a primary, despite nearly 10 years of voting eligibility, because I don't know how. I'm not so clueless that I can't figure out touch screens and levers, or decipher hanging chads if need be, but frankly I don't know the rules. Every time we hear about one, it seems to be only for voters registered with a certain political party. I'm not registered with a political party - I used to be a staunch Democrat, but perhaps age is souring me (fear not, friends and family, I have not yet crossed to the Dark Side) - and I like the freedom of voting for anyone I feel is best for the position based on the information I have rather than feeling obligated or pressured to vote for one person because they're affiliated with my party. So, kindly correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe I am even permitted, as a registered voter without a registered party, to vote in primary elections. I can only imagine that the requirement for voters in a given primary to be affiliated with a certain party is to avoid members of the opposite party intentionally going in and skewing the votes to the least qualified candidate. However, with the number of unaffiliated or disillusioned-former-affiliated voters growing exponentially by the year, how can they expect any kind of turnout at primaries unless they open it up?

Point: Don't talk about us like we're a bunch of ignorant yokels who have only to waltz in and push a few buttons but still choose to stay sat on our butts. If you want to get more of us involved, make it easier for us to know when, where, and how. Until we're given the information we need, we can't be criticized or held responsible for not knowing it.

An Open Letter to My Coworker

Dear Coworker,

I have been told that you are excellent in your field, that we could not do without you, and that you are a fascinating person in and of yourself. In fact, knowing the team you manage, I personally agree that we could not do without you - god forbid those morons should be left to run the show themselves.

But we have a few delicate issues that I feel must be addressed before my personal and professional opinion of you is damaged beyond repair.

To begin with, my cubicle is directly in front of your office. In contrast to my cubicle, your office has a door that closes. It does not, however, have a magical soundproof barrier that manifests the moment you cross the threshold. So when you shout to talk with your wife on speakerphone, I can hear it. When you finish your lunch and belch (and I don't mean one of those sneaky burps that catch you by surprise), I can hear it. And when you let one rip right there with the aforementioned door wide open for all the world to see, I CAN HEAR IT. Flatulence is simply not professional. Mercifully I have not smelled it as yet, but you really ought to reconsider your manners, consider closing the door, or speak with your doctor about the, um, distinctive problem you've been having.

Second, your vehicle. That you're a Texan is not the problem. That you drive a fire-engine red pick-em-up truck is not the problem. What is the problem is the oh-so-classy decor you have picked out to adorn the back window of your truck:

• The Stars & Bars. I'm a Southerner myself, and the Confederate flag itself does not bother me in the least. But when people start to put it on their modes of transportation, it goes from being anachronistic nostalgia to full on advertisement of your redneck status.

• "Don't Mess With Texas." Fine, no prob. Only, this is Virginia. But you put this on when you were in Texas, oh okay. So why would you tell someone already in Texas not to mess with it? Actually, I'll stop right there, I don't really want the headache that will almost assuredly follow this line of logic. Where was I? Oh yes.

• "Keep Honking. I'm Reloading." I remember this one. In fact, I thought this was hilarious. When I was 13. Not only is it unnecessarily aggressive and presumptive, it's just ugly and rude and makes you look like an ignorant clod who thinks that he with the biggest gun wins the argument. Furthermore, this county houses the HQ of the NRA, and we are within spitting distance of no less than three Army bases, a Marine base, and an Air Force base. Chances are good that the passengers of at least two of the four cars surrounding you at any given time are packing. Be glad that they're only honking. I say this from the perspective of someone who once witnessed the victim of a fender bender get out of his car with a baseball bat. (Did not see the result; I was late for my high school graduation already.)

• And finally, dear little Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes praying before a cross that looks like a gravestone. Not only am I quite sure that Bill Watterson did not approve the use of the likeness of his character for this little window decal considering his well-known abhorrence of merchandising, but having been a C&H fan for 20 years, I feel rather certain that it would not be in Calvin's character to be involved in any sort of restrictive, organized religious activity.

Bottom line: You are who you are. But you don't need to broadcast who you are to the world. There's self-expression. And then there's using a bullhorn. Furthermore, these are not necessarily the images that should be greeting current-or-potential clients when they are brought to the office to discuss current-or-potential projects.

Third, your attitude. You are a whiny bastard. I don't care that you've never done a report quite this way. This is the way the client approved. The way that you were used to doing reports? They said it was impossible to follow or to find information. So we're doing it this way now and you're just going to have to make your peace with that. Your section has been left out of the last two submittals because you couldn't get your shit together and get the report written in time to be included by the given deadline. So now you've got to write your report from scratch by the end of next month for the near-completion deadline. And I do mean you because we've already glossed over your near-worthless team. So if you screw it up, it will be you answering to Boss Man, not me, and Boss Man knows that. And though this has nothing to do with attitude, I don't want to start a new paragraph: please refrain from digging in your ear with the end of your pen during the morning meeting. That's just nasty.

I'm glad we cleared the air with this. Please proceed with your regularly scheduled tasks.

And here's a Gas-X to get you through the day.

Freshest regards,
Rosie

Congratulations, Caesar & Nicole!

Best wishes to Caesar and Nicole, who swore till death do us part, on Saturday, June 9. Caesar and Husband have been best friends since they were kids. Caesar was Husband's Best Man, and Husband was Caesar's Best Man.

The day was perfect - sunny and warm but not hot, the rolling hills were green, and the sky was a brilliant blue. Caesar was dashing, and Nicole was stunning, as always, and they looked so happy together and with all their friends and family around them. Everyone had a wonderful time, dancing and reveling late into the night.

And may I say, the Best Man gave an excellent speech and was devastatingly handsome, even in the carnation pink tuxedo vest and tie selected to match the bridesmaids' dresses.

So, let's raise our virtual champagne flutes to Caesar and Nicole, the only people Husband would wear pink for! May your life together be filled with laughter, love, and joy!

Who's That Girl?

I was at a wedding this weekend - yes, another one - for Close Friends Caesar and Nicole. Very Close Friends Matt and Michelle attended as well. For reference, Matt and Michelle were married about 6 months after Husband and I were.

During the course of conversation, Michelle mentioned that she sometimes accidentally still signed things with her maiden name, like writing last year's date for a month or two after the new year. We laughed about this, and she asked if it ever felt strange to me to use my married name.

Honestly, no. My maiden name seems absolutely foreign to me now. I'd been practicing signing my married name for months before the wedding. I reserved my married-name email address weeks early. As soon as we returned from our honeymoon, I started the process of sloughing off the maiden name: I had my legal name change and my new driver's license within a week; my financial records, insurance, and credit cards were changed as soon as I received my new DL; and my new passport and social security card were changed within a month. My car loan and one old 401k are the only things still in my maiden name, but I envision those as being an exceedingly difficult things to change paperwork-wise, so I keep dragging my feet. But I've got another year before I have to worry about what will go on the car title, and the 401k isn't going anywhere anytime soon... All right, all right I'll do it this year. But I digress.

I recently had to sign into the email account I had under my maiden name (firstnamemaidensurname), and it was genuinely awkward for me to type. My fingers tangled and I had to retype about three times before I got it right. I looked at my name on the screen, and it looked so strange. I sounded it out, and it seemed like I was saying someone else's name. I tried to sign it again and it came out all jerky and unnatural.

Funny that the name I wrote for 20 years and signed for 10 years seems so unfamiliar to me after only 2.

What You'd Expect from Martin Scorsese

I watched "The Departed" last night. Awesome! I don't know if I would have given it an Oscar, but then again, I'm not quite the movie afficionado (afficionada?) that I make myself out to be: I'm sure there was deep social commentary and such going on, but I didn't pick up on that. Besides, I'm not from Boston, I've never been to Boston, and I just wanted to watch a movie. (I might have given the Oscar to "The Prestige" instead, but it wasn't my call. David Bowie was unexpected and fan-bloody-tastic, and Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman were locked in constant struggle to see who could better steal the scene.)

Anyway, as I said, it's what you expect from a Scorsese picture: excellent acting by everyone who could be tackled and strong-armed into a role (seriously, who WASN'T in this movie? Nicholson, Sheen, Wahlberg, Damon, DiCaprio, Bardwin, the list goes on...guess we missed DeNiro, but he's gone soft), gritty realism, lots of violence and blood, and underhanded scoundrels that you know are bad but you can't help liking a little bit.

Nicholson was Nicholson: whether it was great writing, great delivery, great direction, or some fabulous cocktail of all of the above, he was, well, Nicholson (though I secretly expected the creepy looping Joker laugh in his last scene.) My heart broke for Sheen, and the struggle between Damon and DiCaprio was almost as entertaining as Jackman versus Bale in The Prestige, and I was very happy to see Anthony Anderson in a serious role. Also I must agree with other reviewers - surprise knockout performance: Wahlberg. Work it Marky Mark! Feel the vibration!

Nice touch with the rat running across the balcony in the last image - I did catch that!

One thing that stuck with me though: Girlfriend got screwed.
****SPOILER ALERT!****
Yeah she was cheating on Damon with DiCaprio, but in the end, she ends up brokenhearted and pregnant, and both of the potential fathers are dead. That kinda sucks. And did she remind you a little of Barbra Streisand?