Am I Missing Out? (Part I)

I think everyone does this to some extent. It's a byproduct of having friends at all. We can't help but compare ourselves and our lives and wonder how they measure up.

Take Lindsay, who originally sparked this train of thought back in March. Lindsay is 28, single, and loving every minute of it. She has a successful career, her own house, a hopping social life, and a cat to curl up with when she feels like having an off-night. She goes out on dates and regales us with the stories - the good, the bad, and the ugly. She writes, she participates in a book club, she knows how to work a room, she's politically active. We were in the car riding back from a friend's baby shower, and she said that when we were in college, she assumed that by 24 she'd be married and thinking about kids; but right now, she doesn't want any of that! She's having way too much fun doing what she's doing!

I've been thinking about that for the last month. I never did any of that stuff. I never joined community activities, not even in college. The closest I ever came to a post-education extra-curricular activity was a single class in Russian (I'm good with languages) that I didn't follow up on due to lack of finances. I have my political opinions, but I would never join any sort of organization (could be related to the way I was raised: I now duck and cover when people start discussing politics.) I never barhopped; I never went out on weeknights; Hell, I never even really dated.

I married Husband at 25 and I love him to the cockles of my heart. I have a cat, I have well-enough paying job, I have a bunch of friends I love, so for all intents and purposes and when it comes down to it, I'm happy. But I sometimes secretly wonder if I missed out on something, on those experiences that for better or worse make us richer people. Am I truly happy as a homebody, as a one-on-one friend? Did I settle down into suburban domesticity too quickly?

I wonder what it would be like to go on dates instead of a relationship evolving from an already in-place friendship. I wonder what it would be like to go to another country solo (my friend Kristin is going to Spain unencumbered in a couple of weeks). I wonder what it would be like to join a book club. Or a hiking club. Or volunteer at a vineyard. I never did any of that, and I'm pretty sure it's all my own hang-ups that hold me back. (Don't misunderstand - Husband would never keep me from doing anything I wanted to. Though he might frown on the dating thing.)

I could probably expound on this for hours. But there is no real answer and this is only a blog, and though you're a semi-captive audience, you are not my shrink, and I'd rather not bore you senseless if you're not getting paid for it. But I imagine this will be a recurring theme, so that's enough for now.

The Universe is Plotting Against Me

2007 is apparently The Year of the Wedding. There are - at the time of this writing - five weddings to which I have been or will be invited this year alone: May 13 (Allie & Jonathan), May 19 (Ashley & Marc), June 9 (Nicole & Caesar), November 17 (Brent & Bernadette), and November 24 (Elizabeth & Pete). Mercifully, I am not participating in any of them, but I am still expected to wear suitable clothing.

The June 9 one is the real stickler, as I have all but forbidden myself from wearing my smokin' hot cranberry dress: my husband is the Best Man, and Bride Nicole chose carnation pink for her girls and for the guys' matching tux vests. I will be in pictures with my husband of course, and the cranberry (which will be in attendance at both the May 13 and 19 weddings) will inevitably clash with the pink, and any resulting photos will probably offend the viewers' eyes.

So I began to peruse my closet for alternatives. Most of my dresses looked good on me when I was 21, but that was a long time and 20 pounds ago. With the exception of a couple of LBDs (which don't translate well for any but the most formal of weddings), they tend to be of the double-layered sheath variety with spaghetti straps and little structure, or well-worn sundresses that probably ought to go to Goodwill but I just can't seem to part with yet.

Bottom line: I need new a dress. Preferably, several new dresses.

Always a bargain hunter...okay, cheapskate...I first went to my standby site of Newport News. I should mention I hate mall shopping and if I can find something wonderful online, I vastly prefer having things delivered to me. So I found this (right). Lovely. Elegant. Bright enough for a June 9 wedding, flowy enough to translate well from day to evening, and the peachy-pink "coral" (as advertised) might complement carnation. I ordered it. It arrived.

In Miami Pink. A screaming flamingo pink that might merely blush on an olive-skinned girl, but would blare off of this pasty white chick. It went back yesterday.

In the meantime, I managed to find this lovely turquoise ensemble on Overstock.

Turquoise is a pretty safe color on me, and the flowers would make it perfect for the June 9 garden wedding. (You'll see why I keep repeating the date in just a minute.) I ordered it, it arrived, and I tried it on yesterday. The color was spot-on. But... when I was shopping for my wedding dress, it was explained to me by the helpful saleswomen that I couldn't pull off a flat-front or Empire-waisted gown, that I needed a drop-waist and more structure to counter the top-heaviness.

I'm a busty girl with broad shoulders and thick upper arms (it's mostly muscle, but it doesn't tone up very well.) We can thank my Scots/Russian/German heritage for that. So I don't quite know what possessed me to purchase yet another sheath dress (old habits dying hard?) with a cropped cardigan that would only serve to add weight to the upper half of my body?

From the side I looked cute. From the front I looked like a big blue blob. No waist definition equals barrel body. It's going back tomorrow.

Fortunately, I also received a catalog yesterday from a company called Body Central. Never cracked their catalog before, but for whatever reason (desperation?) I did yesterday. And I was pleasantly surprised to find this little number (right). Beautiful, understated, but fun and young. I went to order it today for the (say it with me) June 9 wedding...

"Backordered until 6/9."