The Universe is Plotting Against Me

2007 is apparently The Year of the Wedding. There are - at the time of this writing - five weddings to which I have been or will be invited this year alone: May 13 (Allie & Jonathan), May 19 (Ashley & Marc), June 9 (Nicole & Caesar), November 17 (Brent & Bernadette), and November 24 (Elizabeth & Pete). Mercifully, I am not participating in any of them, but I am still expected to wear suitable clothing.

The June 9 one is the real stickler, as I have all but forbidden myself from wearing my smokin' hot cranberry dress: my husband is the Best Man, and Bride Nicole chose carnation pink for her girls and for the guys' matching tux vests. I will be in pictures with my husband of course, and the cranberry (which will be in attendance at both the May 13 and 19 weddings) will inevitably clash with the pink, and any resulting photos will probably offend the viewers' eyes.

So I began to peruse my closet for alternatives. Most of my dresses looked good on me when I was 21, but that was a long time and 20 pounds ago. With the exception of a couple of LBDs (which don't translate well for any but the most formal of weddings), they tend to be of the double-layered sheath variety with spaghetti straps and little structure, or well-worn sundresses that probably ought to go to Goodwill but I just can't seem to part with yet.

Bottom line: I need new a dress. Preferably, several new dresses.

Always a bargain hunter...okay, cheapskate...I first went to my standby site of Newport News. I should mention I hate mall shopping and if I can find something wonderful online, I vastly prefer having things delivered to me. So I found this (right). Lovely. Elegant. Bright enough for a June 9 wedding, flowy enough to translate well from day to evening, and the peachy-pink "coral" (as advertised) might complement carnation. I ordered it. It arrived.

In Miami Pink. A screaming flamingo pink that might merely blush on an olive-skinned girl, but would blare off of this pasty white chick. It went back yesterday.

In the meantime, I managed to find this lovely turquoise ensemble on Overstock.

Turquoise is a pretty safe color on me, and the flowers would make it perfect for the June 9 garden wedding. (You'll see why I keep repeating the date in just a minute.) I ordered it, it arrived, and I tried it on yesterday. The color was spot-on. But... when I was shopping for my wedding dress, it was explained to me by the helpful saleswomen that I couldn't pull off a flat-front or Empire-waisted gown, that I needed a drop-waist and more structure to counter the top-heaviness.

I'm a busty girl with broad shoulders and thick upper arms (it's mostly muscle, but it doesn't tone up very well.) We can thank my Scots/Russian/German heritage for that. So I don't quite know what possessed me to purchase yet another sheath dress (old habits dying hard?) with a cropped cardigan that would only serve to add weight to the upper half of my body?

From the side I looked cute. From the front I looked like a big blue blob. No waist definition equals barrel body. It's going back tomorrow.

Fortunately, I also received a catalog yesterday from a company called Body Central. Never cracked their catalog before, but for whatever reason (desperation?) I did yesterday. And I was pleasantly surprised to find this little number (right). Beautiful, understated, but fun and young. I went to order it today for the (say it with me) June 9 wedding...

"Backordered until 6/9."