Good News for Smokers in the Skies

Welcome to your local airport security line. Kindly place your carry-on items on the belt and walk through the metal detector while our pleasant TSA staff examines your luggage. Let's see, shoes, PDA, wallet, Marlboros, cigarette lighter, thank you sir and have a nice flight.

Welcome to your local airport security line. Kindly place your carry-on items on the belt and walk through the metal detector while our pleasant TSA staff examines your luggage. Let's see, shoes, books, comb, cell phone, hey hey HEY! What's this water bottle doing in here!? This is dangerous stuff! SECURITY!! This woman just tried to bring a bottle of water inside the secured perimeter!

Do you see a problem here? TSA recently announced that cigarette lighters will once again be allowed on board aircraft in carry-on luggage. Just a few years ago, courtesy of dumbass Richard Ried, we were told that a Bic was a threat to national security and must be surrendered, and we were made to scuffle barefoot (or, sockfooted) through security checkpoints. But now, it's okay again. That incendiary device? Go ahead and bring it on board. But that water bottle and those shoes remain weapons to be confiscated or carefully examined.

They're lightening up on security at airports for items we considered petty bans in the first place. Isn't this a sorta good thing? Sure. My problem arises in the motivation behind the lift though. According to a blog on USA Today, TSA confiscated 11,616,217 lighters in 2006 - 22,000 a day, and the disposal of said 11,616,217 lighters cost $4 million because they are considered HAZMAT. You can draw your own conclusions about whether lobbying from the tobacco industry played a role (the blogger thought so), but there's that price tag hanging out there that is potentially a bigger reason. It's better to lighten restrictions because it's expensive and a hassle to confiscate and dispose of them (although it wouldn't kill the smokers to just put your damned lighters in their checked luggage, would it? You have to stop smoking outside the airport anyway, and you can't smoke until you exit the destination airport, so just open the zipper and tuck it inside!) than to keep them banned for national security reasons.

TSA's official statement is that the scrutiny for lighters was distracting from the scrutiny for bombs. To begin with, I say that the scrutiny of my sneakers is probably equally unnecessary, since the cases that prompted both the shoe and lighter persecution were one and the same. And to follow I say, if looking for lighters is honestly going to cause you to overlook the unusually squared-up device with wires coming out of it, then TSA has bigger problems than we're even prepared to go into. But then again, didn't we just hear about how most of the airports whose security was tested with fake bombs in luggage failed?

Return from the Back of Beyond

I'm back! I know, I know, you couldn't stand it. The void caused by my absence killed you inside. Being bereft of my inspired prose and wit caused you great emotional and psychological distress. But you must forgive me - I spent last week in a very hot place without internet connection or cell reception. "Hell?" you ask. Why no, I say, the high desert.

Mom and I arranged a vacation to the Colorado plateau and the Moab desert in the middle of July. The choice of dates was perhaps a little misguided, but it was the only timeframe that worked for the four of us (me, Husband, Mom, and Ron). On this coming Monday, my temp contract technically ends and I am eligible to go permanent with Company, but back when I originally set up shop with my staffing agency, I talked them into 10 paid days of vacation for my 6 month contract term. I doubt highly that Company will grant me such vacation allotments for the final 5 months of this calendar year, so we thought, if we were going to take a vacation, we might as well do it while I was on contract. Original plan was June, but between my friends' weddings and Mom's business travel, June was solidly booked, and mid-July was the first span that worked. So she booked the plane tickets for us (she travels a LOT for work, so she generously used her frequent flyer miles - THANKS MOM!), I packed up Husband, and away we went.

We arrived in Denver on July 14, met up with Ron at the airport, and spent that day and the next bonding with Small Niece and getting acclimated to the altitude. The acclimation is important - I nearly passed out at the Scottish Games in Estes Park a few years ago because I wasn't settled with the lower oxygen levels!

Monday, we set out for Mesa Verde National Park, in the southwest corner of Colorado. We stopped by Treasure Falls on the way there, but the path was closed, so all we really got to do was look at the falls and watch the fat little chipmunks play to the crowd for snacks. We didn't stay long - it's about an 8 hour car ride from Denver to Mesa. We finally got to Mesa about 9:15 that night. The winding drive up to Far View Terrace is breathtaking in the day in a good way... and breathtaking at night in another! It may have been just as well that we couldn't see how far down we had to fall if we pulled a little to the left...

Tuesday, we visited the cliff dwellings at Balcony House (top), Cliff Palace, and Spruce Tree House (bottom). (My pictures of Cliff Palace didn't turn out as individually impressive as I would have liked.)

History Lesson: The Pueblo people originally built pit houses and above-ground structures on the mesa tops, but during the 11oos, they began building these dwellings in the alcoves in the cliff walls. Makes sense: protected from the weather and fire, decent insulation, and you have a pretty good idea of who's coming and going at all times. Despite all the fires at Mesa (something on the order of 7 in the past 10 years), the cliff dwellings have remained mostly untouched; can't say as much for the mesa-top structures. Anyway, by 1300, they had abandoned the cliffs and migrated south. No one knows why (though Park Ranger Walter had the most plausible collective explanation I've heard so far: 1300 was about the time of the Little Ice Age, and when the growing season shrinks, you can't feed your population, so you move to warmer climates; also, the Navajo started moving down to the Mesa area and, while they didn't take over the cliff dwellings, they probably prevented the Pueblo from returning), but it seems almost a waste to have built these complex structures, then to abandon them only 100 years later.

Anyway, after Spruce Tree House, the four of us took the Petroglyph Trail to see a panel of 800+ year old petroglyphs chipped into the sandstone (below, top). Archaeologists still don't know what it all means, but based on the information that the park rangers gave us about Pueblo culture and beliefs, my guess is that it's something to do with the ancient Pueblo creation myths. The trail is only about 3 miles round trip, but those are 3 very long miles when it's over 90 degrees out! I've also included a picture of one of the amazing views from the Trail (below, bottom).

Wednesday, we left Mesa Verde on our way to Moab, UT, with a slight detour to the Four Corners monument (where Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, and Utah touch).

If there is Hell on Earth, I can officially say I've been there. The Four Corners monument is a huge concrete slab in the middle of a paved treeless plaza of sorts, with a big bronze plaque in the center. It's dry. It's dusty. It's hotter than anyplace I've ever been (I think one thermometer registered almost 110 degrees). The heat is simlutaneously absorbed by and radiated by every available surface. And in the maybe-20 minutes we were out of the car, the backs of my knees scorched bright and painful red. There were Navajo tribespeople in little kiosks all around the monument, selling T-shirts, jewelry, baskets, blankets, whatever else... and Navajo frybread. They were in long sleeves/pants (though after my quick and dirty sunburn, I understand why) and actually deep frying in that heat - can you even imagine?! Husband and I agreed - we can say we've been there and have the pictures to prove it, but never again unless the Future Kids really really really want to see it and it's either Spring or Fall.

"So Rosie, why Moab? You into the extreeeeeeeeeeeme sports?"

...

Now that the laughter from the people who know me at all has died down, let me answer. Moab is an oddly situated little town in Utah, but conveniently adjacent to both Canyonlands National Park and Arches National Park. May I recommend the Sleep Inn for lodging, and La Hacienda for dining - some of the best and most authentic Mexican food I've had in a long while (the taco wasn't in a standard boxed shell; they make the shells in the kitchen, so they're a little more free-form.) We were pretty pleased with Moab, and it will probably require some more investigation when I have more time, which is most likely the twelfth of never, but we shall see.

On Thursday, we visited the Island in the Sky district of Canyonlands. Canyonlands National Park may seem desolate and a wasteland, but we thought it was just beautiful. Then again, we're geology nerds and borderline misanthropes. The park is broken into three separate districts: Island in the Sky, Needles, and The Maze. Needles primarily consists of fantastic spires and fins, and there are scads of hiking trails that Husband and I have plans for. Unfortunately, Utah DOT decided to do roadwork on the span of the highway that leads to the Needles district, and when I say "on the span of highway," I mean they had 10 miles or more blocked, only one lane of cars was getting through at a time for both directions, and you had to wait for an escort truck to lead you through the span. We agreed: what a boring job for all involved! The Maze is the most inaccessible (approx 4 hour drive from Moab) and formidable (Bear Grylls and Survivorman both almost had to admit defeat when they "lost" themselves in the Moab desert, and I'm pretty sure it was around the Maze) of the districts, as it has entirely too many ways to hurt yourself and to get lost, and pretty much no one is likely to find you for a good long while; but in addition to the wild remoteness of it (which is attractive to some... like me and Husband), there is also a panel of ancient petroglyphs called The Great Gallery that experts estimate has been there for thousands of years (must see!!!), although it's a 3.5 mile hike each way with no shade and no potable water to go see it.

BUT. Island in the Sky is beautiful, is only about a 40 minute drive from Moab, and is the only district with a Visitor's Center! So time constraints led us to choose Island for this visit. It's just as well because after a day of doing even the short hikes, we were zonked. It was also more than 100 degrees out, with no shade anywhere except for an occasional convenient juniper or overhanging rock.

We first drove out to Grand View Point Overlook and did the 2 mile (round trip) Grand View Trail. You can see almost 270 degrees of panoramic landscape from the viewpoints along the trail, which is part of the inspiration for the name "Island in the Sky": you do almost feel like you're floating and the real ground is way down below you. The photo to the left is one I took along the Grand View Trail, and while it doesn't exactly illustrate the views, I still like it. Besides, our camera isn't quite sophisticated enough to take good clear shots of the landscapes.

After that, we drove over to the White Rim Trail, named for the white sandstone caprock layer along the rim of the canyons. Husband and I did this one alone, and it was just shy of a 2 mile round trip. We didn't see a single other human or hear a single sound other than our own footsteps and conversation during the entire hike. It was magnificent! Below is a picture I took from the White Rim Trail.


We also stopped by Upheaval Dome (below), which is a point of contention among scientists. Basically, it's this enormous crater/circular canyon with a roughly dome-shaped uplift of white rock in the center.

The contention comes during discussion of the forces that caused this odd formation: some say it was the result of a gigantic meteorite strike, others contend that the uplift was caused by a rising underground salt dome. History lesson: the entire Colorado plateau was the bottom of a sea millions of years ago; over time, the land rose and the sea was isolated, and as it dried, the salt was left behind - Great Salt Lake may be the last remnant, and it's getting saltier by the year because of the evaporation. Anyway, sand, dust, and sediments blew or were deposited by water over the remaining salt and compacted to form the sandstone all around the area. Salt, however, is less dense sandstone and the heat and pressure from the overlaying stone causes the salt to shift and move, almost like a liquid, under the rock. So it's not completely out of line to suggest that a giant salt deposit could be the cause of the upheaval. Husband and I pretty much decided, in our non-expert opinions, that it probably actually is from salt, if not from some other source. We've been to Meteor Crater in Arizona with friends Chad and Cheryl, so we've seen what a known meteorite strike looks like. While a dome does form in the center, I don't think it gets as tall as Upheaval Dome unless the crater is much much wider, indicating a much much bigger metorite. To our eyes, the crater just is not wide enough to support the meteorite theory. But go see it for yourself and form your own opinions.

On Friday, we went to Arches National Park, about 10 minutes out of Moab. We had designs on seeing the standard sights: Delicate Arch, Landscape Arch, Balancing Rock, all the usual attractions. And we did get to see all those, and more. The one that amazed me most was the one Husband and I hiked to first and on our own: Delicate Arch. I had this image in my mind of Delicate Arch being this relatively small formation, maybe about 10 feet in height. I imagined photos of me standing in the middle posed to look like I was holding the arch up. What - I'm cheesy like that! I was not expecting this:

Those are almost 6' tall people under the arch! And they were directly under it. This is no play on perspective. This thing is huge. It's suddenly not so delicate to me!

We did get to Landscape Arch - which is good because nobody's sure how long it's going to be there: a 114- or 117-foot slab fell from the bottom of it in 1991; it's now 6' thick at its thinnest point, which may sound big, but if you can begin imagine the stresses on the rocks, well I'm amazed it holds at all! Unfortunately, it was pretty overcast while we were at Arches, so my pictures of it didn't turn out well enough for bloggage. But we saw Pine Tree Arch, Tunnel Arch, Double-O Arch, Turret Arch, the Windows, a bunch of smaller still-forming but as-yet-unnamed arches, and, of course, Double Arch (top) and Balancing Rock (bottom).


The neat thing about Double Arch is how it formed. The primary arch was formed in the standard way: by wind and water battering alcoves onto either side of the rock wall and eventually wearing all the way through. But the separation occurred when water bored a pothole into the top of the rock, and eventually wore it down until it broke the single tunnel-like arch into two arms. Kudos to Matt for noticing what he calls the "smiling gorilla" in the rock wall behind the arch!

And the neat thing about Balancing Rock - aside from the fact that it looks like it could fall at any moment and that it seems to defy the very laws of physics - is the little pile of rubble to the right. That used to be another, smaller, balanced rock, called Chip off the Old Block, but in the 1970s, it collapsed, much like Balancing Rock will eventually do. Sorry, I think that's pretty cool.

Saturday was another marathon driving day. Google Maps tells me it's about a 6 hour trip back to Denver from Moab, but we stopped along the way to visit Colorado National Monument, a little-visited spot in (duh) Colorado with beautiful and startling canyon views.



On Sunday, after too little sleep (resulting from my paranoia that we were going to oversleep and miss our early-early flight), we flew back home and were picked up and treated to a lovely dinner by Matt and Michelle (who also took great care of our cat while we were gone), which was wonderful because we already had our hands full unpacking and washing. THANK YOU MATT AND MICHELLE!

And again we say THANK YOU MOM!! Because without your frequent flyer miles, this trip would not have been possible.

Why Can't I Have This Kind of Certainty?

First, the credits: This comic was borrowed from XKCD, "A Webcomic of Romance, Sarcasm, Math, and Language," written and illustrated (or is it the other way around?) by some absurdist genius named Randall Munroe.

XKCD is my new obsession (along with I Can Has Cheezburger?). Kudos to MaryKate for introducing me to the site. And if you don't get how a "Snapple" is an apple infused with tin, it probably won't appeal to you quite as much as it does to me.

And now, without further ado, I give you "Graduation":

(If you can't see it well, click the picture to go to the site. You'll be able to read it properly there. )

A Derf Story

Last year, I went on a painting spree. I painted the guest bedroom, the guest bathroom, the master bathroom, and the half bathroom (twice – another Derf story for another time.)

During one of the various paint sales at Home Depot, I bought a gallon of paint to do the master bedroom as well (this is before I ran out of steam) in Behr “Monaco” – a very pretty soft blue that will make our room all nice and tranquil and sleepy.

Probably mid-guest room, I realized that one gallon would not be enough to do the master bedroom (probably because I was cutting it close on the guest bedroom, which is about 2/3 the size of the master), but by this time I had also realized what a hassle it would end up being to do the master bedroom (got to move all our immediate-living things out, unplug the network, move all the furniture to the center of the room, live in the guest room for a week…), so I decided to put off getting that other gallon and/or maybe I just wouldn’t paint the room at all.

Well this weekend, I spent a few hours touching up the ceiling and trim in the half bath and realized how productive I feel when I get a room all clean and painted (the previous owners had terrible taste in colors and even worse technique). I decided I would touch up the master bathroom this coming weekend, and I resolved to paint the master bedroom this year.

Side note: Funny how my list of resolutions was nonexistent on Jan 1, but now I’ve got four time-and-patience consuming tasks (change name on car loan; move two 401ks; paint master bedroom) lined up… But I digress.

Anyway, Home Depot is having a 4th of July paint sale going on now ($6 off per gallon - woohoo!) so I figured, what better time to go ahead and get that other gallon? There's a Home Depot right near my office, so I dashed out this afternoon, found my paint card to give to the Paint People, and stood in line for a good 3 minutes before I realized, I don’t know which finish the gallon I already have is in.

So now I have a paint chip but no paint. It’s all right – painting the bedroom wasn’t going to happen this month anyway, and the sale goes on through this Saturday, and I can go later this week.

But still. Derf.

Update 07/05 - Paint acquired! One gallon, Monaco, Satin finish.

Stars and Stripes, Whatever

It's currently July 2. By October 2, we will see Christmas decorations going up in the stores and teaser commercials aired on TV, and the onslaught will begin, continuing with after-Christmas sales and New Year merriment until mid-January. From mid-January up to February 14, we will see Valentine's sales campaigns and general lovefests, followed immediately by St Patrick's Day parades and festivities until March 17. Then we have Easter Bunny pictures, Easter egg rolls, Easter basket and Easter outfit sales until whatever day Easter happens to be. Then, possibly blending with Easter chatter, depending on how late Easter appears, we start with Mother's Day and we talk for weeks about how much we wuv our Mommies and we buy them flowers and jewelry. And on the Monday after, we start in on Father's Day, and we talk about how important our Dads were to us and we shop for wallets and ties, and at which point we will find ourselves another year older. Halloween decorations go up in early-to-mid September, Thanksgiving talk begins and sales are advertised starting immediately after Halloween, if not before. The TV morning news dedicates entire segments to these, and goes out of its way to point out the significance of Memorial Day, Labor Day, President's Day, MLK Jr Day, Columbus Day, Administrative Professionals' Day, various heritage months, and even create-your-own-health-crisis-awareness weeks. As a nation of workaholics, America loves it's holidays - even the ones that don't get us days off.

I'm not one to begrudge anyone their choice of holiday (some people actually celebrate Sweetest Day in October or whenever; far be it from me to judge), but something seems troubling to me. The celebrations and fanfare that normally surround the 4th of July are noticeably absent (or at least minimal) this year. Maybe it's different where you are, and I hope so. But last year, you couldn't turn around without seeing ads for flags, and banners, and red-white-and-blue sprinkled cookies, and USA IS A-OK t-shirts. (I'm making fun about that last one, but you know the type I mean. *cough*Old Navy*cough*) This year, the most I've really seen in the stores (the bastion of all things Holiday) is that Neat Sheets were placed near the door at our local supermarket, and Target is selling stars-and-stripes paper plates and napkins. I didn't even see an Old Navy circular in the Sunday Ads section of the Washington Post, and I comb through that thing pretty closely. A local realtor has been the biggest celebrant of all that I've noticed, distributing pairs of 2-foot-tall plastic American flags door-to-door in our neighborhood in what is mainly an excuse to get his business card into our hands.

I'll be the first to agree that holidays have gotten too commercial, so I don't really miss the 4th of July sales and ads, but this lack of interest even seems to be pervading our information sources.

Last year, in the entire week preceding and the entire week following the 4th, the History Channel ran a special 13-part miniseries on The Revolution, with a marathon of them on the 4th itself. What better way to educate the viewers and herald this most hallowed day of American History? This year, they're doing The Revolution marathon on the 4th itself. But for tonight? Star Wars: The Legacy Revealed at 8pm, followed at 9pm by Star Trek: Beyond The Final Frontier. Tomorrow, from 8pm to midnight, they're showing four episodes of The Universe, another miniseries. Sorry they had to preempt Wednesday's broadcast of Modern Marvels to show you how your country was formed and tell you about the people who risked everything on what turned out to be a pretty successful gamble.

Last year, the morning news had interviews with the pyrotechnic pros who were doing the fireworks for the 4th, interviews with tourists who had come to the Nation's Capital for the 4th, interviews with residents about what the 4th means to them, all that schlocky stuff that is mocked mercilessly in subpar films like Bruce Almighty. This year? Fox 5's fluff news today was viewer reaction to Michael Moore's movie Sicko, coverage of the 7-11's-turned-Kwik-E-Marts as a promotion for the upcoming Simpsons Movie, and Holly Morris talking about an indoor swim complex in Germantown like it was going to bring about world peace.

Does this all seem a little... I don't know... apathetic to you? Are we really so completely jaded and cynical? Do we truly just not care anymore? Is it because the 4th is a Wednesday this year?

COME ON PEOPLE!


Where's the fanfare? Where's the patriotism? Where's the pride? Hell, where's the awareness?

Show a little respect. It's two days before the celebration of the birth of our nation. Two days before we consider the sacrifices people made to shuffle off the old world order. Two days before we eat grilled meat and blow things up in order to show our marvel at the people who put their lives and reputations on the line, as well as those of their families, and banded together to take on a grand, almost unprecedented experiment that no one had any idea whether it would even work.

Seriously - imagine the cajones on these folks! All their lives, what had they known? Monarchical rule. English citizenship. And they gave it all up and walked away into the great unknown - no order, no laws, no security. Ballsy, if you ask me; most of us are afraid to leave our neighborhoods without a GPS. Not only did this rabbley bunch of relative yokels turn their back on the status quo, but they beat the best trained military on the planet. And the most extensive attention the majority of us seem to be showing for the day we gave monarchy the Finger is a water cooler discussion about plans for the day off.

I know times are tough and spirits are down. I know the leaders of this country - both sides - don't give us much to believe in. I know that we may have trouble resolving our love of our country with the direction that pick-your-politician is trying to drive it. And I know that every time we turn around, we're told that we're too fat, too lazy, too ugly, too stupid, and that's emotionally debilitating. But July 4th isn't about today and it isn't about now. It's about the fundamentals. It's about choices: the choice to do something different and radical and liberating.

If you can't get excited about the battles and the politics and the florid language, get excited about the people and the ideas, because that is what this country is founded on and that's what the day is about.