Vanity Plates

I am unfailingly pleased to have been born and raised in the Great Commonwealth of Virginia, where we have endless sources of interest and amusement. There are the Shenandoah mountains to the west, the coastline and the Chesapeake to the east, the best wine country this side of the Mississippi (this side of the Atlantic as far as I'm concerned, but let's not ruffle too many feathers), and the greatest quantity of vanity plates in the entire nation. We may have rotten traffic, we may have questionable logic in our road system, but we will entertain you on your way as you try to make sense of our license plates.

I've been playing license plate games since my childhood on my family's frequent trips down I-95. There have been some clever ones (I once knew someone whose plate read "SDRWKCB;" another local, "SEDAGIV," never fails to make me and every other true Mel Brooks fan smile). There have been some groaners (former co-worker Troy and I agreed that initials were the worst because you spent all your time trying to decipher the garble only to realize that these people just took the term "vanity" plate to heart).

And then there are the stunners: the ones that leave you dumbstruck all the way to your destination because you have trouble making sense of a world in which someone would care so deeply about this message that they would shell out another $20 or so just to shout it to the general populace.

I recall my first stunner as one witnessed in 2001 during my drive home on Route 7: "ISCRAPBK." This person clearly felt that scrapbooking was an enormous part of their identity and that everyone must know it.

The second stunner outdid ISCRPBK in terms of pathetic identity bases, and was observed on I-95 just outside of Richmond on my way to visit my grandmother in 2005: "ISTENCL." Really? You needed me to know that? You needed me to know that you apply paint to walls or canvases in pre-determined layers and spacing based on someone else's artistic talent?

But today, ladies and germs, we have a new champion. Today, one plate stood out to me as I wormed my way through rush hour traffic. Today, this specimen wrested the title of Lamest Vanity Plate away from ISTENCL, which as I'm sure you'll all agree was quite a feat.

This morning, on I-66 East, just past the merge ramp from Route 28, was "SENSUAL." No interpretation necessary. Sensual. Wow.