Register This

I have had it. I've read one too many letters to advice columnists about the evils of wedding registries, and I just want to tell everyone to can it already.

Having nearly exited my 20s, I cannot tell you how many weddings I have attended or been a part of. I could sit here and count, but I'd rather get right up on my high horse and make everyone listen to me instead.

I love registries. I love them for weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, showers. I love getting a gift for my friend to celebrate their momentous occasion, whatever it may be, and knowing that my friend actually wants this thing. I love not having to stress over whether I'm giving my friend her 20th spice rack (sorry Stephanie!) because I was taking a shot in the dark. Don't you hate it when you ask someone what they'd like for their ______ (insert occasion here), and they say, "I don't know"? I certainly do, because now the onus is on me to find something fabulous.

Look, people, no event is gift-mandatory. If you don't want to give a gift, then don't give one. If you *want* to give a gift and you know exactly what the recipient would like, bully for you. But if you *want* to give a gift, and if you *can't think of anything* on your own, a gift registry is a blessing. That is the whole point of registering.

I know some people have ruined it for the rest of us and either enclose registry information in the invitation, or demand gift receipts, or get all bent out of shape if you get them something *not* on the registry. But that's a mark on your friend's character, and it's up to you after that whether you want to remain friends with those people. I have no defense for them.

But don't take it out on the well-meaning register-er (registree?). The registry is not your enemy. It is a dumb and passive tool if you want to use it. The register-er is not saying, "We've picked out exactly what we want you to buy." They're saying, "If you want to get us something but don't know what to get us, here are some ideas that we can volunteer."

So everyone, chill. Use it if you want. Don't use it if you don't. And if your friend has crossed lines of politeness, re-evaluate the friendship.

That is all.