OMG U R SO S2PID!

PUT IT DOWN! Yes I'm talking to you. You with the phone surgically grafted to your head, or with permanently crooked thumbs because you can't go five seconds without texting.

The world has gone completely mad. I should have seen it coming. I thought it was odd and amusing when I carried on a conversation for a couple of minutes with someone at Target, only to realize that they didn't know I existed - they were talking into their earpiece. I began to worry when I learned that 10-year-olds were taking remedial English summer camps because texting had taken such a toll on their linguistic abilities. But it all came crashing down on me today when a Friend Who Shall Remain Nameless admitted to texting me while s/he was driving. But only at stoplights, so it's okay, right?

No, Friend! Not okay! That is super-dangerous, even at a stoplight. Would you read a book while driving?? It's dangerous enough using printed directions in the car, and those aren't interactive. You text only at stops right now. But how long until you text just this once while moving? And from then how long until it becomes commonplace driving activity? You already said your Significant Other does it all the time. How long until s/he's so busy texting you that s/he misses the traffic jam coming up, and plows into the line of cars at 50 mph? An engineer in L.A. was texting while operating a moving train just last week, missed a signal, and killed 25 people in the ensuing wreck; and operating a train doesn't even require the same level of visual attention and concentration that operating a car does.


In fact, be forewarned, if I find out you're again texting me while in any gear other than Park, I will immediately cease communication. This goes for everyone. I will not be part of this. If you want to communicate with me, CALL ME! I know, I know, that limits you to only talking to one person at a time, but sacrifices must be made, and your eyes will at least remain on the road.


I've grown to see texting as just one more way that technology has allowed us to not interact. And while the misanthrope in me sometimes welcomes the opportunity not to have to talk directly to someone, the rest of me knows that it's not a good direction for society and civilization as a whole.


Here's a nasty little factoid: according to an article I've seen in several places (but I'm going to quote from the one posted on slashdot.org), in a survey of 6500 travelling executives, 35% of them said they would choose their PDA over their spouse, and 87% bring their PDA into the bedroom. And back in April, Madonna thought the world should know that she and her husband, Guy Ritchie, sleep with their Blackberries under their pillows. Madonna claimed that she wanted to be able to write something down in case she woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to remember it; Guy apparently takes his to bed to play games on it. First, Madonna, it's called a pen and paper - look into it. And Guy, seriously? How old are you again?

I will admit I am not 100% innocent in all this. No, Mom, I never text while driving. But I do spend the entire workday on Gmail and Gmail Chat. In my defense, I am stationary and not in command of a vehicle, and it does not interfere with my work because, frankly, I have no work to do. Eight hours is a long time to do nothing. It often feels like three weeks have passed in my 8-hour computer-bound seclusion. In my excessively bored state, having gone through the copious websites I use to entertain myself and it being blatantly unprofessional to crack open a book or bring my cross-stitch or paint my toenails, I harass my friends to talk with me.

However, there are times and places for these things. At the office, I'm on the computer anyway, in case some work happens to flow my way (it sometimes happens). Your phone, however, you have to actively choose to utilize, whatever you may be utilizing it for.

I have encountered people texting me from doctors' waiting rooms, even in doctors' exam rooms. I've noticed as people blatantly disregard the "Please turn your cell phone off!" sign in medical offices, airplanes, movie theaters; not only do they ignore those signs, but they actively use the offending instrument. Folks, I know it's boring and gray there and that the wait may drag on, but you can find something more reasonable to occupy your time, can't you?

I have watched people, on multiple occasions, initiate personal calls while we're having a meal in a restaurant. Is my razor-sharp wit and sparkling personality not enough for you? If so, invite more people, or don't have dinner with me.

I have seen people take personal calls right in the middle of small parties. To me, that's as crass as lighting up a cigarette in a roomful of non-smokers. At least take it outside!


Cellphones have become an indispensable part of modern culture. And I know that. And that's fine. I carry mine (mostly) everywhere, though I have yet to utilize 90% of the features included on even my bargain-basement model. All I'm advocating for is a little bit of realism - the point at which we step back from an action and say, "Wow, this is not smart," or "I can't believe I even thought of doing that." It's bad enough that there's no recourse against those who cross the lines of social mores and bring we fellow Kmart Shoppers and moviegoers in on the details of their best friend's sister's coworker's breakup, or enlighten us as to where and what the cat barfed. It's important to know our realistic limits, especially those that severely compromise the safety of ourselves and those around us. Reallocating eyes and at least one hand while driving should be clearly on the other side.