Back Into the Cave!

February was a giant pile of Suck. We had another August-caliber submittal to go out on Feb 28 and based on the way it went down, you would never believe an office this insanely and ridiculously chaotic could possibly function at all. On top of that, I had to also balance crappy off-site client workshops all last week that taught me nothing and wasted my time, and nearly made my eyes bleed from trying to keep them open the whole time. On top of THAT, we had a sudden death in the family.

So I was almost looking forward to this week. It would be nice, quiet, and predictable. I'd be able to organize my computer, clean up my desk, catch up on what had been happening outside of the four semi-walls of my cubicle, actually correspond with friends I'd sorta kinda blown off because I just couldn't handle one more thing on my plate. I'd be able to run errands again. I'd be able to catch a workout or two again.

This morning, I roll into my office at the normal time and sit down to run through my morning routine (email, advice columns, news, online banking, etc.). I open Drudge Report (it's alphabetically my first news site) and...

HOLY HELL, THE WORLD IS GOING TO PIECES!

Apparently in my absence, Venezuela and Colombia are bordering on war, the U.S. is bombing Somalia, some idiot brought ricin into Las Vegas, Marion Cotillard genuinely believes a 9/11 conspiracy theory, they want to dig for oil in a California National Monument, Oklahoma's suing over chicken shit, and both of the Democratic presidential candidates are busily alienating the American Muslim population.

Venezuela: Not really a big surprise. Chavez is a crotchety little twerp who likes to pick fights and thinks he's relevant because Sean Penn told him he is. But still. You really want to take on Colombia?

Somalia: Apparently we've targeted some terrorists there, but isn't there a way to do this that is less overt, less grand in scale, and less damaging to our international image? "Oops - there goes the U.S., starting another war again."

Ricin: What the eff was this guy doing with ricin?? IN VEGAS?? They say it doesn't appear to be a terrorist activity, but if you ask me, what the hell else would you call bringing a known violent and deadly toxin into a location famous for being packed with people in small contained areas? Actually, contained areas aside, I think a civilian just having ricin at all is extremely suspicious. And this guy had guns too and an "anarchist type textbook" as the articles keep saying. But FBI Special Agent Fuhrman (what is it with that name?!) assures us that, "There is no indication of any terrorist act or activity." What, he was keeping it as a science experiment??

Oklahoma: Fair point, really. I just liked it in the list of gripes.

Cotillard: Seriously?! Well, she is French and she also doesn't believe Man has been to the moon. What does it take, people?? Do you have to go there yourselves?? At least she didn't use the Oscar stage as a platform, I guess.

California: SERIOUSLY? What's next, digging up Yellowstone? How about we burn the chicken poo from Oklahoma as fuel instead?

Muslims: The Clinton camp (whether or not Hillary approved it) leaked out rumors that Obama was a member of the Islamic faith, as a way to discredit him, one has to suppose, because why else does a politician leak anything. Bad enough, implying that being Muslim is a bad thing. Clinton is now coming out quashing the rumor and saying that Obama is not a Muslim, but qualifying that statement with the added "...as far as I know." DON'T QUALIFY THAT! That looks catty and cheap. But then Michelle Obama (and later Obama himself) come out swinging that Obama is a Christian and has always been a Christian, and insisting this with such vehemance that one walks away with the feeling that the rumors of Islamic faith were insulting to the Obamas. Super duper that you're Christian, and with the political and social situation the way it is in America today (sad though it may be), I can understand why a Muslim background would not be an asset to a presidential candidate. But don't treat the unfounded rumor like it would be a bad thing if it were true, Clinton Camp. And don't treat the "smear" that you're a Muslim like it's an insinuation that you torture small animals, Obama Camp. There's nothing wrong with Muslims or being Muslim and both of you need to watch yourselves before the American Muslim population realizes that you've both insulted them and throw their votes to McCain.

That's it. Screw all this. I'm going back to my cave where no news can touch me. Let me know when it's safe to emerge.