This is Why People Contemplate Suicide

For about two weeks now, with a few blessed breaks (also known as "sleep"), I have had Spice Girls songs cycling through my head.

Let me say that again, in case you skimmed and didn't really get the full effect of the horror.

For two weeks.

I have been suffering through.

An almost endless cycle.

Of the Spice Girls.



The Spice Girls.

THE FREAKING SPICE GIRLS!!!

I didn't even like them when they were popular! And I passionately hate txt-speak, which makes it that much more painful that the primary culprit has been - kid you not - "2 Become 1." Vomit. Occasionally, they have chosen to torment me instead with...shudder... "Spice Up Your Life."

This is the sort of thing that pushes people to jump off of bridges, or walk in front of a bus. Unfortunately for me, the suburbs do not offer much in the way of bridges (overpasses will only leave you mangled) and it would be my luck that the DC Metrobus would manage to swerve out of the way in time to miss me, while taking out that nice humanitarian on the sidewalk.

I would ask that you pity me. But instead - admit it - it's happened to you too. Feel free to join me in my personal hell. It's been a little lonely in here.