The Death of Daytime

I found an article today from a former soap opera magazine writer (e.g., Soap Opera Weekly) talking about how we're watching the demise of daytime TV. The source of this hypothesis: the firing from Days of Our Lives (my own former "stories") of Deidre "Exotic Bird Hair" Hall and Drake "Smell the Fart" Hogestyn.

Okay, Diedre's moniker is self-explanatory, but, for those of you who don't get the reference for Drake, here is the clarification: Jennifer Aniston's daddy, John Aniston, spent a goodly amount of his career playing Victor Kiriakis on Days, enduring many a ridiculous plotline and span of dialogue. In 1994, a little show called Friends came out on NBC (maybe you've heard of it?), the same channel that supports Days of Our Lives. Joey on Friends, as you may recall, was supposed to be a soap actor. So there are the various tie-ins, and why Days stars (Alison Sweeney, Kyle Lowder, Kristian Alfonso, among others) periodically showed up on Friends. In one season or another Joey took it upon himself to teach, or assistant teach, a community college (I guess) class on acting in soap operas. In response to - I believe - one student's question on what to do if you forget a line, Joey tells them to strike the "smell the fart" expression to buy them time. Then he demonstrates: he stops as if he's been paralyzed, raises one eyebrow skyward, then rotates his head vertically and away from the side with the raised eyebrow so his chin is stuck out in that direction, and inhales deeply. The desired effect is too look like you just, well, smelled a fart, though it's all suspenseful and dramatic to the audience. Those of us who are or were Days devotees, however, knew exactly and on the spot who taught Joey the trick: our main man, Drake Hogysten, who trademarked the look.

Now I haven't watched the show steadily since 2001, with a brief stint during 2005. I've caught an episode here and there, and there are a bunch of new characters, so I'm with the author: why not kill off one or five of them? Why are we digging more DiMeras out of the woodwork (even though we have trouble retaining evil mastermind Stefano!), but losing our anchors?

John and Marlena have been an institution on this show since the 80s. Allow us to hang onto one or two couples that manage to stay together through mistaken identities and demonic possession and adult children they never knew they had who turn out to not actually be theirs but her ex-husband's with another woman and hidden by Stefano DiMera on a secret island and never taught to speak or interact socially until they are dropped at age 18 essentially in his daughter's lap and she takes them under her wing and teaches them how to speak and to relate and to love!...where was I? Ah yes.

Let the younger characters bed-hop and make countless mistakes - that's their thing. Go ahead and create trouble for John and Marlena - conflict is, after all, the essence of drama - ... - and what is a soap opera without drama - ... - and functional couples aren't all that interesting to watch - ... - who was it that said that every happy family is the same but every dysfunctional family is unhappy in their own way? - but don't take them away.

I suppose, as I have abandoned the show to become part of the paid workforce, that I have no place to talk. I can't be angry about changes to a show I don't watch anymore, or speak out against plot twists that I can't follow.

But I can be a little bit sad.

And I am.