There's Only One October

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

I hate baseball. There. I said it. And it's true, I do. It is the most boring popular sport out there - worse than basketball, worse than soccer, worse than curling. You heard me. Worse than Curling, that hilarious-yet-hypnotic winter Olympic event in which players try to use brooms to sweep a clean path on the ice so that a 20 lb stone can glide just-so onto a bullseye, or into another team's stone so as to knock it out of contention. Curling at least offers some measure of suspense. There might be a decent injury in soccer, and basketball players are dramatic showboats that can be fun to watch even if the game isn't.

But, Baseball. Is. Boring. The players are dull, unless they're sticking their easily-led noses into celebrity marriages (*cough*A-Rod*cough*). The action is slow unless (pleasepleaseplease) the pitcher manages to bean the hitter. The expression on the faces of the participants is even bored, as they chaw on their tabaccky and scratch their crotches. Going to the actual game, while slightly more enjoyable than the straightjacket that is the televised version, is merely an excuse to get soused on warm overpriced beer, eat greasy overpriced food, and yell obscenities at the top of one's lungs.

"America's pastime," my butt. It may have been America's pastime when there was no television (I've already conceded that it's slightly better in person, and I'll agree that it doesn't completely suck over the radio), and when football and hockey were just regional timekillers. But that day has passed, and baseball has not kept up with the times. There are still entirely too many games for entirely too many teams with entirely too low scores and entirely too little happens.

I can ignore it most of the year, relegated as it is to weekends and/or the sports channels. But then comes October, and suddenly it's on network TV in the middle of the week. No, I don't care that it's the World Series, especially because with the exception of maybe one Japanese exhibition game and the Toronto Blue Jays, it's still only American. Would you believe this snoozer is actually in the Olympics? But I digress.

October, and the stupid World Series. As we've established, baseball is boring. You know what's not boring? Bones. Simpsons. Family Guy. American Dad. Terminator. And all these lovely shows will be pre-empted by baseball, baseball, baseball, baseball.

Last night, Husband and I sat down for our regular Wednesday night viewing: Bones at 9, followed by South Park at 10. But, what's this? Why is Tivo not recording Bones?! We restarted the modem this afternoon, it's been recording everything else, is something not connected? Is there... oh wait... and we clicked over to the regular input and sure enough, there are people in ugly gray and red uniforms standing around and staring at people in ugly white and blue uniforms. This also happened last Sunday, and will happen again this Sunday, come hell or high water. And, god help us, if the Rays manage to beat the Phillies in one game, it will happen again this coming Monday, and possibly next Wednesday. Fox has already scheduled repeats of Terminator and Bones in preparation for the unfortunate event that the Rays won't completely bite the dust and that the viewing public will be held hostage for - I mean, treated to - more baseball.

Yes of course I can watch Chuck at 8pm on NBC on Monday instead of pouting through baseball, and I will. But as for the rest of it... well, at least I can catch up on my Netflix.